Picture this... It's two days before vacation. It's packing day. Tomorrow is pack the car day. It's a long story, but both kids are at home this week with Brad who is trying to also work. There's intermittent help, but mostly he's dealing with them and well... you can just imagine how sweet and loving his mood is.
So I come home from work where I've been running around like a lunatic trying to get ready to be gone for a week and Brad's being all sweet and loving as I described above, but luckily he's on his way out to take the kids over to a friend's house where they're going to spend some time while we pack. They leave, I go upstairs to change my clothes and no sooner than I get my shorts on do I hear Bandit going absolutely ballistic in the back yard. This is not the ordinary ballistic state the Bandit is almost always in, this is serious I'm going to rip you limb from limb ballistic. I'm assuming there's either some deer in the field behind the house or much more likely a turtle in the yard. I grab a shirt and run down the stairs and outside so I can bring Bandit in.
I make it down to the landing of the deck stairs before I find out what Bandit's barking at. Deer? nope. Turtle? not so much. It's a badger. A badger who's the same size as Bandit. The poor badger, I'll call Fred, is backed into the corner of the fence and Bandit is about 8 inches from him barking his head off and periodically lunging for him. Shit! Of course Brad just left. Of course I just saw my neighbor who might have been alerted by Bandit's barking just driving away. I'm screaming my head off at Bandit who has no idea anything in the world except poor old Fred exists.
At every opportunity he can find Fred tries to duck under the fence to freedom but Bandit's not having any of that and takes that same opportunity to pounce on poor old Fred. Fred turns back and hisses and bears his huge teeth but mostly he's just sitting there with the fence to his back and ballistic Bandit to his front.
There's no way I'm going down there getting near a wild animal.... let alone the badger... ba dum bum... I decide to get the hose and spray water on Bandit hoping to distract him long enough to let Fred escape. I get the hose and start spraying and it doesn't exactly distract him, but it does bring an extra layer of chaos to the scene until they are literally rolling around in the mud I've just created - one big pile of paws and claws and teeth and barking (because let's not kid ourselves, Bandit never once stopped barking - even while he was biting Fred he managed to keep the barking up).
They look like a small fury version of a street fight where two people are rolling around trying to get the upper hand. Holy Shit what have I just done. Now they're both going to end up some awful bloody mess and there's still no way I'm going near them. Maybe Fred will kill Bandit:) What will I tell the kids? When will Brad be back? What should I do now? But then Fred makes a break for it; diving under the fence (a side note here - if Fred can fit under the fence so can Bandit, but luckily he doesn't know that).
Fred gets about half way to freedom before Bandit clamps onto his ... uh.. shall we say.. posterior.. and is not planning on letting go any time soon. So now the tug of war is on. Fred gains a few inches. Bandit pulls him back. Back and forth, back and forth. I'm still screaming and so pissed off I can't begin to tell you. I'm trying to get the water in Bandit's eyes. The seconds tick by, oh how I wish it was caught on film. Finally Fred breaks free and darts into the forest. I saw no blood on his retreating butt or anywhere on Bandit. Bandit is a nice shade of brown instead of his normal white, but luckily he's heading to the country club for pets tomorrow where they can deal with him.
Okay, now I'm really going to go pack now.
Camela
Friday
6 years ago
