The Christmas party and the space cadet

The Christmas Party

Was great fun!  Dare I say a big success?  Why yes, yes I do dare.  We added more groups of people this year like the parents of kids our kids play various sports with (well the ones we like anyway) and some old college friends I just discovered live in the area and there was an unexpected and totally lovely mix of people.  Several of the new people we invited knew people who come every year and so it was fun to see how people know each other – it really is a small world – okay – maybe not that small since the vast majority of the people who came all live in the same county… Still it was cool to see.  

We had such a wonderful time!  We haven’t done a final head count, but we had 70 yes RSVPs on evite, so I expect it was somewhere in that neighborhood.  We’ll be doing the post mortem later this week where I go through everything I served plus everything people brought and make notes about what we needed more or less of.  I have found the list invaluable, but it’s truly something that needs to be done within a couple of weeks or so of the party or our old brains start deteriorating.  

Space Cadet one to Air Head two

Last night was the 2^nd of a two day middle school concert extravaganza – I know you’re all jealous again!  Day one (Monday) was for band; jazz, lower, and upper.  Teddy and Matt (our neighbor and his best friend) are both percussionists in the upper band. Then last night was for chorus and orchestra.  Brad’s going to take Ted separately to get there on time and I was going to follow with Jack a bit later.  Just as Teddy was putting on his coat there was furious pounding on our door.  I rushed to open it and it’s Matt in full concert wear and his mom Lisa.

Lisa: Space Cadet 1 needs to talk to Air Head 2.  Space Cadet 1 has no bell mallets or music for what they’re playing tonight?

Me: um… Playing?  I thought that was last night, they’re singing tonight.

L: They’re doing both.  I think Ted’s playing for two groups and Matt for one, but Matt needs to make sure Ted has the music for the thing they’re doing together and he’s managed to misplace his.

Me: (In my head I’m thinking…. No way in Hell does my air head have any music.  This was the very first time I had heard he was doing anything other than singing for the chorus concerts so I certainly have never once suggested he practice his drum parts for chorus – and there’s no way on earth he’d think to do it on his own…. We are talking about Teddy here.) but out loud I said – Come on in, he’s just putting on his coat.

Matt – (rushing in) Do you have the music?

Ted: (looking totally clueless) What music?

M: For the bell piece

T: What bell piece?

M: (big exasperated sigh) The one we’re playing with the 6^th grade chorus.

T: (serious deer in headlight look…. Then) Oh. My. Gosh.  Dad!  We’ve got to stop at the school!! (the concert was at a different school).

Me: Um, honey, the school is long closed.

T: But we’ve got to!

Me: Not going to happen, you’ll just have to do your best.

T: (deep breath, then looking at Matt) Okay, we’ll be fine.

They sounded great and looked like they knew what they were doing up on stage, but later Teddy reported that they’d totally screwed it up…. oops!  Oh well, what’re you going to do?

I am thankful for.....

• My beautiful Teddy - though he constantly challenges me with his teenage attitude he never ceases to amaze me with his thoughtful curiosity and beautifully gentle ways (when he forgets to hide those parts from us).  
• My amazing Jackson - his witty, dry, humor keeps us laughing even while he's creating the mischief only his warped brain can find.
• My husband Brad - I know confidently I'm a better person for having his kindness and love and support in my life and my children are truly blessed for having such a big kid as such a loving protector.
• My life that allows me to be writing this from the Wilderness Lodge in the happiest place on earth while my husband and kids are wrapping up an early morning trip to the Magic Kingdom (letting mommy sleep in a bit) before we all head over to Blizzard Beach for an afternoon frolicking in the water before coming back to have a Thanksgiving Day bar-b-q with Mikey and friends before heading out on a pirate ship to watch the fireworks - who does this?  So much fun and we are so blessed to be able to do it!!!
• My friend Camille who knows every part of me; the good, the bad, the perverted and warped, the goofy and deranged, the kinky, the scared, the hopeful and the doubtful and loves me for (not despite) all of it.
• This on-line community that has allowed me to connect with so many people I might have lost forever or never met at all!

And so many, many other things I can't begin to single out - I am truly blessed and hope to take more time this year to appreciate every bit of it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Mom-of-the-Year.... The fish died.

We suck as parents; fish and otherwise.  My poor Teddy has lost every pet that’s ever been only his.  First there was the gecko; supposedly the easiest animal to keep as a pet.  I don’t even remember his name, but you have to feed the gecko live crickets, which is fine.  But that means you have to keep a cage for the crickets you haven’t yet fed him and feed the crickets.  Yeah, okay.  So we bought this gross gel stuff and fed the crickets and fed the crickets to the gecko.  Great, right?  Yeah.. well, we are useless.  That’s all I can say.  We didn’t read the bottle of gel cricket food.  It has to be refrigerated after opening (come on, seriously we have to refrigerate cricket food?)  Anyway, we didn’t do that and the food became “bad” and we fed the crickets anyway and then we fed the now tainted crickets to the gecko and he died.  Oops.  Teddy was heart broken.

Then there were the hamsters.  Two dwarf robo (I think) hamsters who he named “Dwarf” and “Robo”.  One night I go in there for bedtime and check the hamster’s water; which I would have said I did regularly (apparently I can be a little spacey too) and it was empty.  So what did Mom-of-the-Year do?  She started in on the lecture about how if you don’t give your hamsters water they will die.  This is your responsibility, Ted.  You convinced us you were old enough and mature enough to handle this…. you get the idea.  One of the hamsters was sitting there at his nearly empty food bowl shaking.  Ut oh.  They need water and they need it now!!!  I went to fill a little tray with water to put right in front of their mouths telling Ted to find the other one and see if we can get them in the same place.  I’m on my way back when Ted comes barreling into my arms hysterical. 

Yup, Mom-of-the-Year here.  None of you can claim the title.  It’s mine.  I had just asked my kid to dig around in his hamster cage until he came across the dead hamster.  OMG.  I know I haven’t survived that trauma yet, Ted seems to have fared a bit better.  What the hell was I thinking?  Anyway, the 2^nd one died, a slow and I’m sure painful death about an hour later with Teddy and Brad looking on.  It was not a good night.  We did our best to back peddle and take all the blame so he wouldn’t be scarred for life, but, it was just another banner day in his life with pets.  Jackson’s are still alive and well.

And now it’s the fish. 

This time I do, in fact, think it’s totally Brad’s fault.  Ted desperately wants to care for a pet of his own.  We thought…. How hard could fish be?  Brad took him to the pet store and they came home with a tank too small for a heater and 2 balloon mollies; Tom and Joey. Of course the pet store people knew what they were doing and told them it was probably going to be okay.  But mollies apparently do much better in heated water.  And if you leave the light on all the time (in a non-heated tank it’s the only source of heat) then you encourage algae growth.  Yadda yadda yadda.  Whatever!  First Joey died and then Tom didn’t look so good, so Brad cleaned the tank and somehow Tom survived that and looked a bit better and then I went to the store for more supplies and this is when I learned that mollies are considered tropical and should be in a heated tank and yadda yadda yadda.  I bought the tank and Ted and I set it up last night.  I was told to let the filter and heater go for 24 hours before you add the fish, but we decided we’d just wait till morning because Tom didn’t look so good again.  Well he was dead this morning.  Teddy said he didn’t care at all in the way only a near teenager can manage.  We suck.

The Basement, Disney, and the Party

The basement

is nearly done!  The mountain of boxes that was our foyer is now gone!!!  Woo hoo!!!  I can’t tell you how lovely it is to see from one room across the foyer into the other room again.  The fact that this now highlights the disaster that is both rooms is something better left unsaid.  There’s a little problem with the new carpet and Brad and I did our good cop (him) – bad cop (me) routine with their rep yesterday.  The rep totally saw the problem (a long seam that doesn’t meet flatly, it peaks up and I’m afraid the dog will snag it cuz it’s higher than the rest of the carpet) and immediately diagnosed the problem as….. a bad dye lot from the manufacturer.  LOLOLOLOL.  Can you say pass the buck?  No, it’s not our installer that didn’t stretch the carpet correctly; it’s the carpet manufacturer who sent out carpet that has some color variation (which we clearly don’t have enough experience to see).  Mmmkay, whatever you say as long as my issue is ultimately fixed, I don’t really care how you go about doing it.

Disney World

We’re leaving in three days, I’m so excited and… well… maybe.. just a little bit freaking out too.  My brain has been on other things; the basement, the mountain of boxes, the carpet issue, work, kids, sports, the wonderful old friend I've recently reconnected with who we had over to watch my poor Skins be annihilated last night, etc…   But now.. Seriously… I can’t put off thinking about it any longer.  It’s… Three.  Days.  Away.  Holy shit.  I’ve gone so far as to create a staging area and put a handful of things on it (sunscreen, goggles, and pool toys totally count as a handful).  But that’s it.  Tonight I’m going to Target to get some travel sized things for the kids and a few other odds and ends.  And then I guess I have to go home and pack for me and the boys because did I mention…

Brad is out of town.  Dork!  Okay, it’s not his fault, but come on.  Seriously, you have a good night sleep down there in NC!  Watch a little TV, go to the movies, hey, maybe go out and have a few good meals at a few of your favorite restaurants, you know you will anyway!  I’ll just be up here making sure our suitcases are packed.  You don’t worry about us up here at all.  By the time you get your pretty little head back up here the suitcases will be by the door, the house will be ready for the painters to come while we’re gone, the new fish tank will be installed and the fish WILL NOT DIE and the hamster cage will be cleaned and the boy who’ll be caring for both will have been trained…. Really, I’ve got this.  Don’t you worry at all.  It’s just a little laundry, summer clothes hunting, cleaning, moving, packing, shopping and whatnot.  Sure, I’ve still got to go to work every day and make sure the rug rats get fed and get their homework done – no problem.  Really, I’ve got this.

The Party

Happens 1 week (that’s 7 days) from when we get home from Disney.  I’m thrilled!!!  I love this time of year!  I love, love, love my house at this time of year.  Okay, that’s a lie – at this actual, specific, moment I sort of hate my house.  It’s completely dusty from the recent basement work. (Brad changed the family room ceiling fan to turn in the opposite direction last night and we were all showered by huge hunks of dust falling from it – how lovely.)

The plan was to have the house just about decorated before we left for Disney which if you’ll remember is in 3 days.  Um… yeah, I don’t think so.  We are having our hallways painted while we’re gone – again – woo hoo, that’s freaking fantastic!!!  But, of course that means I can’t put up any garland on the railings or the tree above the front door, or certain pictures on certain walls, but oh well..  There are 2 trees up and in the correct rooms.  Just because they are standing square in the middle of the rooms is not reason to panic.  Just because we haven’t even identified the movers who will come to our house on the Monday after we’re home (5 days before the party) to move all the excess furniture down to the basement where it belongs is no reason to panic.  Just because our house was just registered as a national disaster area with legos and stuffed animals and kinex and so many nerf weapons I can’t stand myself flung haphazardly around every friggin’ flat surface and we’re leaving in 3 freaking days is not a reason to panic.  That there are 8 or so of our closest friends coming over the day after we get back (6 days before the party) to help us “finish” decorating (Please note the quotes around the word finish.  As if we’re close enough to be ready for that), that may be a reason to panic.  (hanging head in shame.)

It’s a good thing I’m going to see my patron saint Eeyore – I need me some good pity parties.

A story by Jackson

Once upon a time a kid named Bill was walking down to the creek with his buds Jim, Bob, Bonnie, Billy, Bobby, Jackie, Jack, another Jackie, Jackson, Ben Cameron, Will Ryan, Willie, Tim, Timothy, Justin, Jamie, Jessica, Jennifer, Harry, Ainsley, Niall, Siama, Yashas, Kate, Katie, Sol, Josh, Joshie, Joshua, Carlos, Calvin, Hobs, Hope, Grace, Jon, Chris, Brittney, Clyde, Larry, Jerry, Gary, Spongebob, Buddy, Guy, Pat, Friend, Bud, Thomas, Able, Jason, Jason, Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Elizabeth III, Queen Elizabeth II, Morese, Cathrine, Ashley, Renee, Christine, Uma, Sryia, Anagam, Soun-Young, Susan, Teddy, Syney, Sydney, Devlin, Matt, Matthew, Jake, Jakie, Jacob, JJ, Gracie, Lara, Nitya, Isah, Emily, Theresa, Sophie, Chae, Neha, Brad, Brandon, Pam, Drake, Alara, David, Christopher, Dell, Mary-Ann, Marylyn, Mary, Parker, Joe, Zoe, Jo, Joey, Joseph, Cashi, Idila, Camela, Kev, Kevin, Michael, Gabe, Chandler, Shae, London, Jimmy, and Jim-Bob to have a picknic by the fish, water, trees, grass, birds, vines, swamps, lizards, and snakes. Eventually Chae got bit by; snakes, lizards, birds, and monkeys then she figured out the snake was poisonous so she got knocked out then every one fought for which of ten friends would take her to the hospital for ten hours. Then Zeus came down with all the other gods and tortured Chae.

Later in Minneapolis Odie had exploded from the…. Poodle Factory and stole the fur off the poodle then had a cup of tea (ya know cause he was thirsty) then dies, then burps.

The end.

What a day!!!

So... it all started with an appointment with m doctor at 9:15am. I got up and did 40 min on the treadmill, showered, talked to the contractor, packed my lunch and was pulling out of the driveway at 9:00am on the dot. I was feeling all kinds of proud of myself - that was exactly when I wanted to leave as my doctor is less than five minutes from my house... perfect. I'm heading down the main street of my neighborhood when a little notification pops up on my phone. I look down and what does it say? Dr. appt - 9:00am. FUCK! Okay, well, as I said I'm only 5 min to her door so I floor it, thinking I'll be a couple of minutes late and oh well... I get to the end of the road, check for cars and accelerate out of the turn out of my neighborhood... except... oops... perhaps I was a little over excited as I hit the curb at about 20 MPH and climbing. "That's gonna leave a mark."

I keep going, waiting for the tire to flatten which doesn't happen. I get there only to realize it was my alarm reminding me 15 min early for my 9:freaking:15 appointment. Ok - well I'm there in plenty of time... I didn't even look to see what I'd done to my car. Appointment goes well, no issues and off I go.

Get to work, get stuff done. Oh wait - idiot boy in the office - the one who thinks he's all that - he sends and email to the President of my company about our AR person who reports to me. Let me first say that this woman was born to collect money. She is flat out brilliant at it. The CEO is more than half in love with her, the President, the CFO, me, and the presidents of all our divisions all think she walks on water. Anyway - idiot boy likes to puff out his chest whenever possible and in this case, instead of asking the AR person to also give her reports to him, he created this long story about this shit and that shit and sent it directly to not her, not her supervisor, not her boss's boss, but the President of our company, cc-ing the President of his division. Jesus God I hate stupid people. Like if you want to make someone look bad, perhaps you should pick someone who isn't brilliant at her job by every measure that counts! Of course the President just forwarded it to me, as he's usually a sane sort, and said please respond to idiot boy (Okay he didn't really say that, but I'm sure that's what he meant). It ended up all fine of course, but jeez it took some stupid time out of my day which I didn't have to give. Did I mention I seriously hate stupid people!

Okay - then I head out in the late afternoon to take the deposit to the bank and guess what??

My tire is flat. Look, you can even see where my rim is messed up there near the bottom on the left. Oops... did I tell you I had a history of incidents with curbs that jump out and get right in my way while driving. No? Well, good, never mind then.

Okay, forget about the bank, someone else can go. Am I fully capable of changing my tire. Yes, absolutely. Am I remotely willing to do so if there is another option. Not so much. This is what I pay AAA for, right? I give them a call, and out they send a very cute, tow truck guy who comes out and puts a little donut on the front of my car and all is well....

Until I get back into my office and my husband calls.


Brad: Teddy is okay

this is never ever a good way to start a conversation.

Me: okay (I can hear they're in a car and I'm thinking they're on the way to the hospital - thank God I have the donut!!)

B: And he wants you to know that it isn't Bandit's fault at all, it's 100% his fault. He was very insistent that I tell you that.

M: OMG, what the hell happened?

B: Bandit bit him. We're on the way back from the doctor and they decided not to give him stitches... yadda, yadda, yadda.

M: what happened.

B: Ted had Bandit in his lap and and was tapping a pencil on the table getting Bandit to pounce on it so they could play tug of war. And eventually Bandit got more than the pencil. There were several chewed up pencils on the table so this "game" had been going on a while.

M: so our brain trust of a son was holding a pencil while teaching the dog to bite said pencil?

B: that about covers it.

M: is it wrong to comment on his stupidity?

B: I hope not.

America's worst finder

The shoes
Me: Teddy, come on buddy, we've got to go.

Ted: Okay, I've just got to get my shoes, they're up in my room. (He runs up to get them. He runs back down. Looks in the family room. Goes back upstairs. Comes back down and tries the dining room.)

M: Ted! Come on, we're going!

T: (completely annoyed and put upon) I can't find my shoes. (He's pulling pillows off the couch)

Brad (who just now clued into what's going on): I think I put them on the stairs. (Right on the bottom where Ted had just passed four separate times)

Ted walks over to the stairs and then looks up at me sheepishly: I guess this is just another example of being the world's worst finder.


The socks
We're going roller skating for Teddy's birthday and we need to bring longer socks. Jack doesn't own a single pair and the only ones Ted has are his black socks worn when performing in school concerts. But there are plenty of those so we'll be fine.

Me: Ted will you grab a second pair of black socks for Jackson?

Ted: sure

Several minutes and some banging - mo-om I can only find one pair of black socks. we never use them, they should be sitting in his sock drawer, this should be an easy one. Look again! There aren't any. I come upstairs and there are 5 pairs in the top nearly empty drawer.

T: Oh, hmmm, I found this pair on the floor, I didn't think to look in a drawer.

M: uh huh....


The swords
Ted: Mo-om Jack won't tell me where my swords are.

Jack: I just told you they're in my cubby.

Ted: NO THEY'RE NOT (12 is a delightful age for a boy)

Jack: Geesh! I'll show you. (walking towards the mudroom cubbies with arms raised and hands waving spookily) "Look, I'm about to magically teleport them 'oogakajukababa'.

The cubbies are roughly a foot wide and a foot deep and maybe 4 feet tall and Teddy (aka "America's worst finder") couldn't find two 3 foot Nerf swords in one of them.

We're very proud.

65 Questions

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...you know the rules. Tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you!) to learn more about people. Also, try to tag people who you've tagged in other notes, sometimes you learn things in new notes that you didn't know before about them...

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

My hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

heather gray

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes

4. Do you plan outfits?

um... not so much

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

Tired and annoyed

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?

My hair, though my kids would say it's orange. My sheets though I suppose burgundy is the real color. A mini sewing kit that is true red is on my dresser.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

Man I don't remember the specifics, but I remember after about 10 minutes of being up and about it dawned on me it was just a dream and I was seriously relieved I didn't have to deal with whatever it had been about.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

No, but I met a nice man at Jackson's football practice yesterday.

9. What are you craving right now?

sleep

10. Do you floss?

rarely

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

icky bad smell

12. Are you emotional?

publicly - nope privately - yup

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

Knowing me, probably. But I don't remember doing it.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

definitely both.

15. Do you like your hair?

very much so

16. Do you like yourself?

most of the time.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

hmmm, I suppose so, but I can't imagine what we'd have in common.

18. What are you listening to right now?

The muted sounds of the TV from downstairs

19. Are your parents strict?

Not even a little bit.

20. Would you go sky diving?

I don't think so

21. Do you like cottage cheese?

Yes

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Yes

23. Do you rent movies often?

Nope

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

does my personality count - LOLOL

25. How many countries have you visited?

2

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

Yes, but not for many, many years

27. Ever been on a train?

Yes

28. Brown or white eggs?

Either but usually white.

29.Do you have a cell phone?

Yes

30. Do you use chapstick?

if forced to, I greatly prefer Blistex or Carmex.

31. Do you own a gun?

No

32. Can you use chop sticks?

Yes

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Man, I hope no one. :)

34. Are you too forgiving?

I don't think anyone has ever accused me of this.

35. Ever been in love?

Yes

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?

No idea, hanging out with her kids I'd guess.

37. Ever have cream puffs?

Yes

38. Last time you cried?

A few weeks

39. What was the last question you asked?

Why are you acting this way?

40. Favorite time of the year?

It would be fall, but that brings winter and that's just no good. So I have to say spring.

41. Do you have any tattoos?

Yes and I still love it today as much as I did the day I got it.

42. Are you sarcastic?

Oh yes.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?

Nope

44. Ever walked into a wall?

No doubt

45. Favorite color?

Red or orange

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

I'm sure I have

47. Is your hair curly?

very

48. What was the last CD you bought?

Some old Bruce Springsteen

49. Do looks matter?

sure they do

50. Last text you received?

Cool. Is that a first for him?

51. Is your phone bill sky high?

I don't think so

52. Do you like your life right now?

Parts of it.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

No.

54. Can you handle the truth?

Yes.

55. Do you have good vision?

I used to, I'm not sure I can say that so definitively right now

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

hmmmm. I'm not sure I hate anyone and as I dislike stupid people intensely I'd say that's way, way more than three.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?

Not too often.

58. The last person you held hands with?

hmmm, probably Jackson. Ted and I walked for quite a ways today with our arms around each other's waist and shoulder - does that count? (and while we were walking that way, I was thinking how lucky am I that my 12 year old son will walk with his arm around my waist)

59. What are you wearing?

tan jeans, a green top, and a pink fleece

60.What is your favorite animal?

Not Bandit....

61. Where was your default picture taken?

On the South River

62. Can you hula hoop?

I doubt it. I'm not too bad on Wii.

63. Do you have a job?

Yup

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?

McDonalds

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes.

consider yourself tagged. :)

I am not a techno-idiot. I swear, I'm not.

I am not a techno-idiot. I am also not an IT wiz, but I usually do okay. Maybe something new will take me a couple of tries, but I'll get it - the way I use computers is just not rocket science.

But then Jackson had to finish his "Me Poster". I need to print out some things previously typed in Word and then print out some pictures and we'll do a little pasting and viola we're done. No big deal. I print the Word stuff no problem. Now it's time to print some pictures. I have a Mac - this kind of thing is super easy. I've done it countless times. I grab my cute little HP photo printer and photo paper and hook it up to my laptop in the kitchen.

Hmmm, the printer isn't getting power. It must be that I'm using an extension cord, it must not be getting enough juice or the connection isn't quite right. Okay, no biggie, I'll just move the laptop and the printer to the island so it's all next to each other and next to an outlet. Done.... Wait.. still no power. I fool around with the end that's in the outlet and if I unplug it and plug it back in it gets power for approximately two seconds and then it goes blank. I am fully prepared to hold the plug in a specific place for the length of a couple of pictures, but no matter what I do with the power cord at either end - I can only get the printer to power up for about 2 seconds before it dies. It doesn't seem to have the slightest thing to do with how far in or out any of the connections are, or any other logical kind of thing. 2 seconds and then it's dead. Okay scratch that. I may have let out a few primal screams by this point. Maybe considered throwing the cute little printer across the room. Maybe the kids were mildly afraid of their mom.

I didn't mention that we did the rest of the work yesterday and left the layout for tonight. It was just some quick printing and some gluing. Jackson had flag football practice from 6 to 7, then I stopped and picked up some fast food for him so we'd have enough time to finish the poster and now after the demise of the cute little HP it's close to 8:30 - which is Jackson's bedtime.

But okay, plan B. We'll just print the pictures on regular paper on the main printer (the one I had just used to print the Word document). I've done that lots of times too. I pull up iphoto, highlight the picture I want. Size it as desired. Choose File then Print. I change the printer to the correct one (which took me a minute to figure out, I'll admit) and clicked okay. I got an error message - printer offline. What? You just printed. I went and added more paper - I added paper to a different tray too that I thought the printer might like, and tried again. I then had trouble remembering how to delete a print job from my Mac - as I was thinking if I deleted the job I could start again and narrow the parameters further. A few more screams later. Maybe a bit more fear. eh. Okay, job deleted (it's super easy as I knew it was, but as my friend suggested, I'm just hexed tonight.

I try again. I try with printer paper. No go. With plain paper. Nope. I've examined and tried all possible parameters and in every case, it goes offline. The printer looks fine. Oh wait, it's just spitting out blank paper. I turn it on and off. I reboot my computer. I try again. Offline. Very loud scream. Ok, well I do have a third printer upstairs. I think it came free with a computer at some point. I go get it, hook it up to the laptop. I set about doing teh same thing, only I choose the new (third) printer and the printer starts making printing noises. Woo Hoo! Maybe we'll get somewhere. Jackson and I are staring at it with baited breath, hoping against hope that it will print the 3 pictures we've chosen. According to what we're seeing on the screen, they should all print nicely 3x5" on one piece of paper. Easy peasy. But instead what comes out is basically a screen print of the folder within iphoto that I was choosing the pictures from, including pictures of the edit buttons along the bottom of the program. I get one picture I wanted but the others are cut off.

A picture of the "screen print" that I got to print.

I scream a bit more. It's now 9pm and Jack is very tired. I desperately want to throw some hardware across the room, or maybe off the back deck. Jack's been diligently cutting out all the things he needed to cut out. I keep at it. It's just not working. I'm diligently banging my head against the nearest flat surface. Finally I go back to trying just one picture. If I can just get this one picture we'll be golden. Several more attempts and I'm finally able to get our first choice picture to print. The fact that it took up every bit of an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper is just a bonus - not a problem... right? I tell Jackson I've got some good news and some bad news. I got the picture to print, but it's an entire sheet of paper. My delightful child says.. "We can make that work!" I just need to re-print the Word document because Jack accidentally severed one of the things and then we're done. I go ahead and send it to the main printer as it's already worked for that tonight. It's not a picture. Just words. Nope, the printer is offline and there's no way I can fix that.

I get it to print on printer number 3 and we call it a day. Oh thank to all that's holy! Brad will be home tomorrow and he'll say something totally annoying to me like - Cam if you just turned the paper upside down it would have worked. I swear to God, I'm not an idiot about these things. It's not my strongest suit, but printing pictures is child's play. I've done it dozens and dozens of times on at least two of the printers (the one that actually sort of worked, it may have been the first time for that one). But I swear, Brad's going to come home and say.. you just had to have turned it on, or something equally as obvious. And that's when the printers which are currently littering the kitchen will begin to fly.

So Jack was delightful in his reaction to the HUGE picture of himself that was about to become the center piece of a school project and then at bedtime (which we were now well past) Teddy was delightful as well. "Mom, I'm really sorry the printers were giving you such a hard time tonight." It's nice to be reminded from time to time that they are, in fact, really good people. And despite my behavior and absolute frustration tonight (or maybe because of it) they reminded me they were.

The finished project (HUGE picture and all)

Another typical evening...

It was a lovely evening. I got home at about a quarter to six where Brad and I were set to do the "tag, you're it" thing as he was heading down to Washington for a two day conference. The evil wonder dog who just hates it when someone (anyone) leaves the house is barking up a storm to show his extreme displeasure. Brad and I have to execute a last minute fantasy football trade so I actually have a QB that's starting this week. The idiot dog keeps barking. The pasta Brad started has to be finished. The dog is stepping up his efforts. The kitchen table that somehow got piled with all manner of non dinner-like things gets cleared. The dog keeps barking. Fights are broken up (that's a bit strong). The dog keeps barking. The dinner is finished and set out. The dog keeps barking. Brad's finally ready to get the Hell out of dodge in the barest of moments before I commit canine-acide. Finally with Brad actually gone and no longer leaving the stupid dog finally shuts the *&%% up.

The boys have been in a mood all evening long. I haven't yet had a chance to change out of my work clothes. They are alternating between playing very loud gags on each other and screaming "MOM, MAKE HIM LEAVE ME ALONE" They are alternating who yells this. It's very fun. I sit down and work with Jackson on his project due Friday, get the kids dessert and the kitchen back in some semblance of order (not clean mind you, that would be far, far too much to ask for tonight). They want me to move my car so they can play basketball and I think hallelujah a minute of peace. I move the car they go outside. They come back within 3 minutes - 'Hey mom, there's a guy outside who wants to talk to you.' Oh, did I mention the dog is barking again - there are humans outside. Maybe they're leaving. It's his civic duty to bark constantly just in case he can convince someone not to leave.

I go outside, I still haven't changed my clothes. Some high school kid wants to sell me something - some version of a coupon book I think, but man he gives me the worst - and I do mean the worst pitch ever. I cut him off and tell him I'm not interested. "Dude, you can't be serious!" "I am, and now it's dark. Boys, it's time to come inside." I think he might have continued to blather on about something, but I was already heading inside. (Parents, teach your kids how to pitch the stupid things they have to sell. Start with an introduction. Something that sounds remotely polite - geesh) Anyway... The boys beg to finish the game they're playing, I give them three more minutes (really more for me than for them).

And then the crying started. In comes Teddy with his hands over his mouth crying hard. I open my arms to take him in, he shifts his hands and there's blood everywhere. I quickly change tactics because there's really no reason to get blood all over my favorite white shirt that I still haven't taken off yet. But alas, as I lead him to the sink to see what we're dealing with I see I wasn't fast enough and my right shoulder is miraculously covered in blood - woo hoo. It's just a small cut from his tooth on his bottom lip. Jackson who ran in right behind him is upset that he hurt his brother. "I'm so so so sorry, I didn't mean to hit him in the face, I was just throwing it back to him." Jack can't stand still. Nor can he shut up. Oh wait - guess what, the dog is barking. There's a lot of commotion going on in the kitchen; Ted crying, Jack apologizing, Mom calming... There's much to bark about.

I got a dish towel on his mouth while I went to get ice. I begged the dog to shut the $@T% up. I tried to calm Jackson and get him to stop talking. But then Ted decides threatening his brother is the best course of action. So every time I turn my back to get ice or kick I mean pet the dog, Ted does something like shake his fist at Jack, or lunge towards him. Jack is near tears, periodically crying out in terror. He already feels guilty and now he's scared too. OKAY - EVERYONE SHUT THE &*&% UP! Okay I didn't really yell that, but I wanted to; really, really wanted to. "Jackson, I know you didn't mean to make him bleed, but go upstairs and read." One down. Kill the dog (why can't I do that? - that would have been two down). Get ice on Teddy's lip and get him cleaned up. Okay Ted, let's go upstairs and get ready for bed. He goes up before me while I close the garage door and close down the first floor.

By the time I get upstairs Jackson is crying and holding a ripped book. "Ted ripped my book on purpose" Well this does go with the threatening behavior downstairs, he doesn't usually go towards book ripping, but he's certainly been known to wreck Jack's Lego projects in the past. "Teddy that wasn't necessary, you know better than that." This is my calm and reasonable facade, the one that hides the raging homicidal lunatic that is begging and pleading to come out. "But it was an accident Mom, I promise." It sounds like he's telling the truth, but of course so does the crying Jackson in the other corner.

Mom: You know what Ted, this is something you'd do. I don't know if you did it this time, but it's the kind of rude and obnoxious behavior that have been your hallmark for the past few months, so it's really hard for me to believe you that this one time you happened to not mess up something of Jackson's, especially after the way you were threatening him downstairs.

Ted: He bloodied my lip.

M: You know perfectly well he would never intend to hurt you like that.
He gives me the look that says "mom, you have got to be kidding".

M: No more than you would try to hurt him that way, would you ever intentionally try to make him bleed.

I was really hoping he'd think about it before he answered vs. just letting his pride answer. He did, phew.

T: ok, no I wouldn't.

M: and neither did he.

He reluctantly agreed with me but is now totally pissed at me because I just won't outright believe ripping the book was an accident. He keeps looking at me with the "my mom is calling me a liar to my face" puppy dog eyes.

Oh well...

Some pictures of Jackson

I don't think I've done a good enough job of posting pictures of the boys so I'm going to try to rectify that..

Hanging out with his hamsters in the tub.

Jack LOVES him some watermelon. He was hungry and there was half a watermelon... so.. 1+1=2

There's no rule that says you can't just plunk down with a spoon and have at the melon, is there?

It's very serious business

Unless it's not

Concentration is the key to digging out the perfect piece
(look at those lashes, I'm jealous)

Sometimes it takes longer than others

Aaaaahhh! There it is!

Taking back the house and maybe our lives too?

First of all I was sick and useless for a bit and then immediately on the heels of that (well really right in the middle of that) Brad decided to forget his past neck surgery and all his common sense and try to lift half a HUGE oak dresser and take it from our garage to upstairs. He did this despite the fact that we'd discussed he needed more than two people to lift that thing and despite the fact that it would end up just sitting in the upstairs hallway since we weren't ready for it yet. Anyway he got the dresser upstairs and of course hurt himself in the process. So while I was still barely on the mend I was driving him to the ER... this is so not where I was going with this. (can you tell I'm not over this yet?) The point is - we were both sick (two months later he's still battling the effects and the dresser is still in the hallway leaning up against the railing - it's a good look.) and that was really the start of the downward slide our poor house has taken.

In the two months since then we went on vacation, finished up camp, Brad traveled and his arm continued to heal, hosted a baby shower, school supply shopping, kept up Jackson's counseling appointments (major separation and other anxiety issues), and the general stuff that fills life - but the real time sucker was the Comic-con. As usual Brad helps coordinate the annual convention and I help. For Brad this is like having two full time jobs for the two months prior to the show. And then finally the show happens and we both stay downtown for the duration and my mom brings the kids in for a few hours each day (it's so phenomenal to have such a wonderful mom so close by).

It feels like we've barely managed to keep the kids fed and the laundry clean (certainly not folded or put away). So Comic-con was last weekend. Brad and I got home about about 12:30am on Monday morning and managed to get the kids up and ready for their first day of school and survive the work week and now.... breathe. But.. the house. Oh. My. God. The house. There's stuff everywhere. Piles. In drawers. On tables. On counters. On beds. It seems impossible.

So now - I'm feeling totally overwhelmed. I just can't live like this. So on the one hand I do truly feel like I can breathe for the first time in too long but on the other - whew it's a lot of work. I need to recreate the peaceful home I live in or I may just implode. Okay so.. I've written a list. I need the list or it will be far too overwhelming. As we cross stuff off, I'm feeling a little better and more confident we can, in fact, take our house back. And maybe our lives too. I doubt there have been 10 weekdays in the last few months that Brad and I have both been home at night.

Wish us luck.

Our arrival home... Shouldn't it be a kind of a happy homecoming thing?

The Dead Mouse
welcomed us as soon as we opened the garage door. It was just lying there on it's side, sort of waving to us - only not really as it wasn't moving or anything. How delightful.

Fruit Flies
Are just the cutest things, don't you think? It's a good think they're so damn cute or I'd have been really grossed out by the fact that our kitchen was inundated with them when we got home. There was a serious, all hands on deck, fruit fly party going on around my kitchen island. I vaguely remembered Brad buying some peaches from a local farm stand and as I looked at the red basket on the island (I think it was red though there was a brownish fruit fly haze covering the true color) I saw a brown paper bag inside. The same kind of brown paper bag you get from the farm stand. And I couldn't remember seeing the boys eat any peaches the week before we left for a week and I know I didn't have any and Brad doesn't eat fruit (I know, it's a long story). So I quickly took the basket outside and put it on the deck and found the flyswatter and put Jackson on fruit fly killing duty.

Jack's ear
started hurting on Thursday while in the pool. Ted's ear had hurt him the day before but was perfectly fine by Thursday. Now this could be just a bit of water trapped in there or the beginning of an ear infection or swimmer's ear (yes I know that's an infection too) - so we just watched and waited to see what we'd see. Sure enough his symptoms were inconclusive until... the drive home from the Eastern Shore. We made him an appointment for 5:10 pm on Saturday and he headed out with Brad to pick up the demon dog from hell (aka Bandit). I heard Brad tell him he needed to take some ibuprofen before they left and thought that was a good idea.

They got back and were preparing to go to the appointment and he was balking. In a big, big way. Crying. "I don't want them to touch my ears" "no, I'm not going if they are going to touch my ears" "no way". I was calmly and diligently explaining to him how we wanted his ear to stop hurting and he might need medicine for that and the only way to get the medicine would be for them to take a quick peek in there. I tried joking "it's not like they're going to jab a stick in there or anything"... yeah that didn't work at all - he just glared at me and then started crying again before he ran into the other room... Yay me.

Finally it comes out that he didn't actually take any medicine earlier and it all becomes clear. We poured some down his throat and got him in the car and hopefully by the time they get there he'll be human again.

My back
is not quite out, but it's been thinking about it for a couple of days. The bed at the house was really soft and I think that contributed. But so did kayaking even though I only did that once and throwing the boys around in the pool and packing and unpacking, etc, etc, etc. Of course the really bad part is that the Comic-con is next weekend and it'll really suck if my back is really out when I'm supposed to be working all day on a concrete floor.

Here's hoping tomorrow is better.

A week on Hudson Creek - can we say good food...

We just spent a lovely week on the Hudson Creek just outside of Cambridge with a big family group. My mom and step dad sailed over from Annapolis, My brother-in-law's sister and her friend came in from LA and the rest of us came from our homes in MD.

Sang and Lara bought a boat; a little... hmmm fishing boat kind of thing, not a Boston whaler, but something in that vicinity so that fresh crabs could be caught. On the first evening Sang and company baited two 600 foot trot lines with chicken necks and bull lips. Let me just say - bull lips were a new one on me - they are in fact the lips from bulls - ewwwww. I'm all over the chicken neck as the way to catch some crabs, but bull lips... really? The lips from bulls? Sang said he went into a local butcher shop and asked for 20 lbs of bull lips and the butcher reacted as if he's asked for ground beef. Obviously I'm totally out of it. Perhaps I've been away from Annapolis for too long. On the next morning Sang, Lara, Scott, and Minah headed out and (apparently) after much yelling (the learning curve was especially steep) they came back with more than a bushel of crabs which we had for lunch. I've had some good and fresh crabs in my day - but Oh. My. God. they were some good crabs.

It's still my own personal embarrassment that I can't get my children to eat crabs. (hanging head in shame) I'm hoping this will change some day - I have hope with Jackson, but I think Ted may be a lost cause (much like his father). Brad will eat crab on things and in things, but the idea of sitting down with a beer (he would never drink beer) and picking a bunch of crabs is just not ever going to happen.

Sang's family is Korean and he, his mom, and his sister are all amazing cooks. Every night was filled with something wonderful. We even had plain old ordinary fajitas one night - but I swear they were the best damn fajitas I've ever had. Kyong grilled chicken, pork, and steak to perfection along with a bevy of veggies and put it all together - perfection. The things that Sang's mom would throw together with leftovers and spices - totally amazing. I was trying to convince her to come live with us - I'm not sure she's willing, but it's a nice thought.

The same group went crabbing another day as well and caught another bushel and it was just as amazing as the first... so so so good.

We had three dogs with us; a big huge lanky German shepherd mix named Rico, a teeny, tiny almost cat like thing (I think it's a toy poodle, shitzu mix that has a special name) called Nala, and a Chug (Chihuahua/Pug mix) named Loa. The three of them together was completely delightful, though I kept calling Rico - Nico and Nala - Rala and Loa - Lolo. There were far too many short names going on for my poor little brain.

Overall a great time was had by all - there was a good sized pool in the back yard, several kayaks and canoes for play in Hudson Creek, a nice dock to gaze out off of and plenty of space to spread out and veg (one of my favorite things).

Unfortunately not it's back to the real world.

And finally she posts again...

So I was thinking I wanted to do a blog post, but I couldn't think of a thing to write and then... I put the boys to bed and they were more than happy to entertain me...

She got up and just walked away
I'm reading one of the Wimpy Kid books to Jackson. He's recently taken to wanting us to read to him again which is cute - and hopefully short lived (I much prefer him reading to me) - but I'm finishing up my last "day" in the book and then he needs to show me how his dolphin silly band can be a dolphin, a fish, and a pig, just by moving it around a bit. Okay, go for it kid.

Jack: Here's the dolphin (fart) oops, excuse me
I just raised my eyebrows at him in question and he shrugged
Jack: and here's (fart) the (fart) fish (fart, fart, fart). Oh man, I'm sorry.
I quietly got up and left the room.
And Jackson totally dissolved into a major fit of laughter. He was howling and kept muttering 'she got up and just walked away' before cackling again. He laughed until he was wiping the tears away.

I finally peaked my head around the corner and asked if it was safe to come back in and he fell over again in another laughing fit. "I can't believe you just stood up, turned around and left" as he lost it again. Why this struck him as so funny, I have no idea, but it certainly brightened my evening.

Sometimes I really worry about you
So I moved on to Teddy. After I pry my iphone and the game of stick golf he's playing away from him he's lying sideways on his bed with his feet up on the wall. He starts to takes one shoe off and pushes his leg away from the wall, past his head so he can kick it directly onto the floor over his head and... you guessed it, it bounced off his forehead and both he and I burst out laughing. Which of course brought Jack in from the other room to see what was going on. I tell Jack what Ted did as I know Jack will get a big kick out of it too and probably give me one of his faces that says "man there's a problem with that kid, but (shrug) what are you gonna do" Jack can say so much in a quick look it's completely entertaining and always spot on point.

Anyway, the brain trust that is Teddy decides he's going to show Jackson what he did only this time instead of the shoe just slightly grazing his head on it's way to the floor, it landed smack dab in the middle of his face and I almost fell off the bed laughing. Of course Ted tried to be mad at me because "That really hurt Mom!" I can't say that stemmed my or Jackson's laughter one bit. "Sometimes I really worry about you kid." And Jackson shrugged and silently said "that one is a piece of work."

Bandit
is insane. Seriously insane. He's always been insane and certainly that's part of why I don't like him, but recently he reached a new level of insanity! It started the night before the earthquake. He wouldn't leave my side and was shaking all over; totally freaking out. I have no idea what the issue was unless it was one of those weird animal things where he knew something was going to happen but the earthquake was still 8 hours away so I can't imagine that was it. Not to mention his behavior hasn't really let up much.

He's mostly hiding under my bed. But if he is out he's walking around the house with his ears back or lying at my or Brad's feet shaking. I feel sorry for him, but there's no reason for this sudden shift in behavior. It's like he was suddenly an abused child and is afraid of the world, but nothing new is going on in his life, so I'm not getting it. Lest you all get worried about him (though if it will get someone to come and take him away I'd be okay with that), he's acting exactly how he acts during a thunderstorm only without the storm. Whenever thunder starts, he starts shaking and wants to hide either in my lap (which is not my favorite) or under my bed. And he's been all but living under my bed for more than a week now. Perhaps the end of the world is near and we just don't know it yet.

Camela

Where the wild things are...

Camp is back.... and so is the drama
As I'm sure I've mentioned we've totally screwed up our son. Well we certainly knew it was going to happen. We had to come to grips with the fact that any children of ours would certainly need therapy at some point in their lives. Once we fully came to terms with that we decided it was time to have kids.... but I digress.

Against my better judgment I let Jack go to sleep away camp last year. It was Ted's 2nd year and he loves it and Jack was very excited about going, but I knew in my heart of hearts he was too young and too attached to his parents to be okay with it and sure enough he was. He had a great time while he was there, but came home suffering from a profound case of separation anxiety whenever ANY kind of separation is going to happen. He got back from sleep away camp and started back up at his regular day camp which he'd been going to and LOVING for years and worked himself into a frenzy over the idea that we were going to leave him there (he'd been there 8 days earlier) that he threw up on the way there. And on just about every morning after that until finally a monetary bribe worked (but that took a few weeks before he could work himself up to it). Then when school started - he was in the third grade and going to the same school as always, he climbed SOBBING onto the school bus and held his hands out the window to us while he continued SOBBING. There wasn't a dry eye in the neighborhood watching that scene. This continued for the entire first week, though he was finally able to get it together and had a mostly fine year as far as that was concerned.

Now to this summer. His stated reasons for hating the summer camp he previously loved were numerous and inventive; it was rusty, it's hot outside, they don't play football right... things like that and Brad was prepared to send him somewhere else, but believing any place would be tough for him I pushed to keep him there because it's a known entity for him and the staff know and love him and are ready, willing, and able to deal with the fact that he may literally vomit every morning in their bathroom. Today was the first day I got to take him to camp (Brad's in NC) and yes, he managed to vomit in the car on the ride over and was then totally surprised that I was still leaving him there. "but wait, I threw up, now I don't have to go." "uh, honey, you threw up because of your nerves and they know that, you're not sick, you're still going."

Let me stop and say he has a fabulous time while he's there. We get regular updates from his counselors and the camp director and they consistently report that he is having a ball. And if he's talking about camp and not realizing the implications of us knowing how much fun he is having he tells hilarious stories of the wonderful and crazy things they get to do there. But of course being Mr. Manipulative he is very careful not to let his guard down too often as he'd much rather tell us the place is rusty so he shouldn't have to go (read: I don't want you to ever leave my side for any reason whatsoever!)

Anyway - I hadn't intended to really get into all that, but there it is. Camp is back and so is the vomiting drama. We're working on coping mechanisms and I think maybe it's getting a little better. I'm hoping before he goes to high school he'll be able to leave our side more easily.


Teddy and girls
is a fun and painful thing to watch. Recently Teddy was at an end of school beach blast party and there he lost a tooth (the boy has lost 3-4 teeth in the past month). Apparently once the bloody molar was in a baggy he ran around the blacktop shoving it into as many girls' faces as he could. Brad was horrified by this behavior, I've got to say, it just made me laugh.

Then we were at the pool the other day and he kept going up to a group of girls who were minding their own business and splashing them. Brad was completely agitated by this. "We have to make him stop that, I don't think the girls like it." I got him to sit back down. If the girls don't like it, they'll have to figure out how to get him to stop it. I'm confident they can put him in his place if they want to and equally confident Ted will continue to annoy them until they do just that. This is just all part of the ritual - both sides need to learn how to deal with each other. We watched while Brad gripped the sides of his chair hard enough that his knuckles had lost all color, but eventually Ted managed to insinuate himself into a rousing game of keep away with the girls and their fathers.. no harm, no foul. And eventually the feeling came back into Brad's fingers.

Camela

The cause of the big bump on my forehead.....

At the elementary school where Jackson goes they have a lovely tradition where on the last day of school all the teachers and staff form two lines just outside the exit doors and clap and cheer for all the students as they have officially finished the year and (hopefully) been promoted to the next grade. Every year the sentiment brings tears to my eyes and if I actually get to watch it, I'm toast. (and though I won't admit it officially it's possible there are a few tears in my eyes right now as I think about it).

Anyway, because he goes to aftercare right after school I wasn't 100% sure exactly when school lets out and so I wasn't sure when his half day ended on the last day of school and this year Brad is out of town so I'm going to be there when Jack gets out. So what does a smart and organized mom do when she doesn't know the answer to something (and her husband is not available to give her the answer)??? She calls the school with a quick and easy question.

Me: What time does school let out?

dumbgirlwhoansweredthephone: Three hours earlier.

M: Yes, okay, thanks. What time does school let out?

D: What time does he get home?

M: When I pick him up. He’s in aftercare and I’m going to pick him up from school on Wednesday when it let’s out, but I don’t know when that is. Can you tell me when school let’s out this week?

D: Oh he’s in aftercare?

M: Yes

D: And you’re going to pick him up on Wednesday?

M: Yes

D: So he’ll be a car rider. Because I was going to calculate three hours earlier than when the bus normally drops him off if he was a bus rider.

M: Okay. When does school let out?

D: Well we’ll be all done by 12:15 or so. And the car loop gets pretty full so you might want to be in the loop by about noon or so.

M: I’m planning to park the car and get out; can you please tell me when school let’s out?

D: You’re going to park?

M: Yes.

D: As I said we’ll be all done by 12:15 or so, so you definitely want to be here before then.

(maybe a new question will help get me an answer)

M: When does the bell ring?

D: For car riders, we’ll probably let them out at 12:07 or 12:09.

M: Great, thank you.

(After hanging up, I beat the phone against my head for approximately 15 minutes.)

Camela

More potent quotables

"What ever happened to Sean Connery, I liked Sean Connery, well I mean that guy who used to play him."

******

(asked to Teddy) "Do you know what the capital of Albany is?" blank stare. "Albany, do you know what the capital of Albany is?"

Me: I think you mean New York, What's the capital of New York.

"Oh that's right" back to Teddy "do you know what's the capital of New York?"

Ted: New York City?

"No, Albany" Then to me "Camla, What is the capital of New York City?"

******

Jackson is doing a project about the founder of Honda and he was writing out the day he was born and the the day he died. "How old was he when he was born?" (blank stare) "Jackson, how old was Honda when he was born? What was that, in 1906? How old was he then? When he was born?" (more blank stares) To me "Does he know how hold he was when he was born?"

Me: When he was born he was zero and a minute later he was a minute old.

"Oh that's right."

The Race

Teddy and Jackson have been trash-talking with each other about who would win in a footrace. Both boys are fairly athletic, Teddy has 2 years and 4 months on Jack and is bigger and stronger... but Jackson is fast. They haven't raced in a couple of years and Teddy has always won before but between you and me the smart money is on Jackson winning now (and Jack knows it and Teddy suspects it).

Jack finally got Ted to agree to the race and it was scheduled for after dinner tonight. I suspect that if Jack is winning Teddy will quit racing and if Ted is winning Jack will quit racing so they can say the other didn't beat them. So we have a big dinner conversation about that particular topic and both boys agree (Teddy somewhat sheepishly) that they will in fact make it a fair race and give it all they've got until the end. I got Teddy alone and talked again about the very real possiblilty that his younger brother might beat him and made sure he was prepared for that - he said he was and that in fact he thought Jack was going to win, but he'd give it his best shot.

Finally it's time. They decide to race on the wet grass from the sidewalk, around a tree, down the hill, around the swing set, back up the hill, back around the tree and the first person to touch Mommy wins. It's a fair start and Jack has Ted by 3 steps at the tree and is pulling away down the hill until he slips and totally wipes out around the swing set. Teddy passes him but Jack pops back up and digs in to catch up. Jackson made a valiant effort and closed the gap to maybe 10 feet as they rounded the tree and headed towards me.

As soon as Jackson fell, I planned on a rematch (unless Jackson somehow managed to catch back up) because I think it'll be good for Teddy to be beaten by his brother. But what does Jackson do when he decides he's not going to make up the difference. He was only a couple of feet behind Ted with maybe 15 feet to go and he ... guess... this is Jackson I'm talking about... yes you guessed it... he clutched his stomach and started to cry. "IT'S NOT FAIR" he wailed. What's not fair you wonder? Is it that Teddy won when he had so thoroughly wiped out? That's what I expected him to say. Even I was fooled. I thought he'd at least be sane. Nope. "IT'S NOT FAIR, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO THROW UP."

Me: OH MY GOD!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

He's crying his eyes out and the horror that is his life and he runs inside to the bathroom. Brad and Ted calmly discuss a redo because they want a fair race; start to finish where the running determines the winner and not the wet grass.

Me: NO WAY IN HELL!!! I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT WHINY LITTLE BOY TO GET A REDO TODAY IF THAT'S HIS REACTION. (yet another great mom moment)

Eventually Jack came out and I told him to go and bring his bike inside.... but did he come right back inside... uh, nope. He did not.

I went out to get him and I explained to him out unacceptable and unsportsmanlike his end of race actions were. I told him how we would have of course re-run the race for the reasons mentioned above but he had to make up that his stomach hurt. Man was he pissed off at me. He stormed into the garage and threw his bike into the corner and prepared to storm out again.

Jack: I'M GOING TO JAKE'S (it was about 8pm on a school night - uh.. not so much)

Me: Get your little butt inside. (He slams the bike again) And up to your room.

He storms in, throws his shoes across the room and storms up the stairs stomping the whole way until he gets to his door which he soundly slams.

Aaaaaah, but now it's blessedly quiet.

There's still no official winner, but it's calm once again our home.

Camela

Flag Football

Jackson plays flag football. This is his third season and he's loved it since the very first time he played. This is definitely his sport. He throws well, he catches well, but more than anything he's fast as all get out. It's rare to play a team that has a kid faster than Jackson which means if he can get past the defense, he's gone. It also means if the other team thinks they're gone, they should put their head down and run faster because Jackson is hot on their heels.

This year he has a fantastic head coach who is a former football player; I think he even had a season in the pros and he is so great at making sure all the players; no matter their level get turns to play all the positions and everyone is having a great time. The team's record, however isn't fantastic. They've won one or two games and lost several very close games and the losses are killing this lovely, yet obviously very competitive coach. So today after they couldn't score in the first half and had let the other team score twice.... the coach snapped. He couldn't handle losing anymore, I think. Brad, who is also a coach, said you could see the change in his eyes as they came off the field at half time.

So at half time this lovely coach said to the group of 7 - 9 year olds. "Who has seen the movie 300?" (which Brad tells me is an R rated movie about 300 guys who took on a whole army - they somehow formed some sort of shield and held the army at bay for quite a while - they might all have died at the end, but... eh that was not his point) "We are going to be those 300 guys! We are going to form a shield!!!" I'm sure he was more eloquent and went into more of an explanation, but that's the gist of it.

They play 5 against 5 at this age and for every single offensive play of the second half they had Jackson lined up behind the QB who was behind the center and once the ball was snapped the 4 guys fanned out and became the shield with their sole intent to keep the defense away from Jackson who was to read the defense and decide whether he wanted to run right or left.

He scored 3 touchdowns and 3 2 point conversions; scoring all 24 of their points and our team won 24-22. It felt a little awkward by the end - I was sort of hoping someone else would get the ball - I'd hate for any of the other kids or parents to be upset by the how the second half went. Hopefully it'll all be back to normal next week and everyone will just be happy we won.

Camela

Potent quotables

The following are actual quotes from conversations in my kitchen - the participant(s) shall remain nameless.

"I like that Sharon Falin, but I don't think LaBamba is really that bad"

"you know, when you're older you should eat a banana every day because of the citrus"

"I didn't know that Larry King was a S. E. X. freak, did you?" (sex was spelled out so the kids; ages 11 and 9, wouldn't understand - I got the single raised eyebrow from Jackson for that one)

"I don't listen to Westrick much anymore, but have you heard of Brooks and Dunn? They're breaking up."

Was he conscious? "No, he was awake and talking."

And from Teddy:

Ted: You know what would be great?

Me: No, what?

Ted: If I was on a cruise ship along with the swedish bikini team and the lotion boy got sick and I looked just like him. (looking wistfully skyward) Yeah, that would be really great.

Me: Go to bed

Camela

Jackson's big day

Little Toot Run
I've mentioned it before at some point, but it's a mile long race at the elementary school one grade at a time. It's only a practice race until 3rd grade and then it's real. I have no idea what the difference is as last year they all lined up and started at the same time and ran a mile and ended up with a winner in 2nd grade - but way back in 2nd grade it was just pretend. But this year, in third grade it's for real.... whatever. In 2nd grade Jackson came in 2nd place and for a year he's been pining away for the real 3rd grade version because he just knew he was going to win. Jackson is a very fast runner, in any sport he plays if he's not the fastest kid on the court or field it's a surprise - but.... we're talking about a basketball court at the shortest and a soccer field at the biggest. It's certainly true that he can almost always outrun any other kid to the ball or pass everyone else on his way to a TD, and that is certainly a wonderful skill, but these are not long distances and the Little Toot Run is a mile long.

For a year and a half (it was postponed from the fall because of bad weather) he's been talking about this race; seemingly hanging much of his self worth on it. Many a day he'll come rushing up to me "Mom, can I go jog around the neighborhood, I need to work on my stamina".... "uh, sure dear, that's a great idea". Brad and I have been working all year long to make this less of a make or break thing for him with extremely limited success. We've also been stressing that a mile is a lot longer than the length of a football field and he can't sprint the whole way - we've had better luck with that one.... So this brings me to this year's Official Little Toot Run. - thank God.

For weeks he's been talking about how he's going to win. There are a lot of kids in 3rd grade; he might win, sure. I don't think it's out of the question, but honey, it's okay if you don't win. Please let him get that! As it approaches he tells us he's getting nervous. I think it's good that he can express that, maybe there will be a release valve yet. The night before he can't sleep because his infamous stomach hurts and he's going to throw up.. of course you are... I quickly put him in my bed to sleep and turn on some boring tv and he finally falls asleep. I have to leave early the next morning and I think there are better than even odds Brad won't be able to get him to go to school as he'll be hunched over his favorite bucket, but when I leave he seems chipper and I keep my fingers crossed. Okay this is going to be a stupid long post.

Brad is volunteering for the day long event at his school, they do it grade by grade; 5th, 4th, then 3rd. Finally it's time and the 3rd grades file out of the school.... only Jackson is not with his class. Brad asks his teacher and she tells him that 5 minutes ago Jackson started crying saying his stomach hurt and is with the nurse... of course he is.... The kids are just coming out to get final instructions and then to start the race, so Brad runs inside and finds Jack hunched over his favorite in-school bucket sobbing. Of course knowing Jack will be beside himself with regret if he doesn't at least try to run this stupid race somehow Brad managed to convince my son, the worlds most stubborn human being, to come out and give it a try. I'm not sure I could have done it, but I'm not nearly as nice as Brad.

Jack clings to Brad sniffling while the rest of the monotonous instructions are given all the while Brad is praying - please hurry up, I'm not sure he's going to last much longer... Finally they're off and he seems to be fine. He's in the middle of the pack for the first couple of laps and on the final straight away before the big up hill finish he starts passing people. When they get to the hill he's in third place. He passes one guy and it's just his friend Niall left in front of him. He passes Niall. Niall passes him. He passes Niall. Niall passes him. They both lunge for the finish line and cross in a dead heat - the race is declared a tie.... Jackson took a sharp right hand turn after crossing the line, dropped to his knees and threw up. Well at least he waited till he was done. I have no idea how he would have handled not winning - clearly something we have to work on - so I'm awfully glad he got a blue ribbon to bring home. And there's no one better to have shared the victory with than Niall - what a great kid he is!

The finger gun
Later that same day.... Jackson is at recess with all the rest of the 8 and 9 year old kids in third grade and he's running around with a bunch of boys and he aims his fingers in a gun like fashion at one of them and they all end up hauled to the vice principal's office. I truly don't know the whole story, maybe it was in fact worse and somehow these kids in their La La school in our ritzy little school district where the biggest offense is mixing plaids with stripes (okay that's not fair or true, but this is a far far cry from anything like a violent place) were actually contemplating real live violence but I'd bet all our salaries combined that it wasn't so. Anyway - it's bad enough that my 9 year old is in the office for pulling his fingers on some other 9 year old boy but then - the VP had the audacity to ask my son if he had access to a gun at home.

Okay, let's review here shall we... guns are legal in this country. Many, many a boy (or girl for that matter) has been hunting by the ripe old age of 9... wait let me review... guns are legal, you nit wit. Though that is so far from the point I can't stand myself. I can only assume that her question was to determine if the offending finger was in fact a substitute for the real thing he was planning to bring in to off the kid with the next day. What is the possible reason for asking a 9 year old in quiet little suburbia this question - because you think there's a real danger out there and you need to cover your bases. Does common sense not come into play here? Jack has never shown the slightest hint towards violence. It was a bunch of friends who all happen to be 8 and 9 year old boys playing on a playground; laughing and having a good time. And yet, she needs to know if he has access to a real gun at home - that must have been some finger.

And then... she calls Brad so he can confirm Jack's answer of 'No, he does not have access to a gun at home.' Because what????? What would the next step have been if the answer happened to have been yes?? Did I mention, guns are legal? So Brad calls me to share how friggin' stupid this whole thing is and I am pissed. I tell him I'm going to call the principal, cuz come on, are you kidding me. I'll give you an extremely generous pass - maybe - for sending the 9 year old boys to the principals office for pulling the deadly finger on the playground - but "Jackson, do you have access to a gun at your house?" "Brad, is it true that Jackson does not have access to a gun in your home?" - that's just gone too damn far for me. I call and leave a message. Brad emails me and asks me to cc him on any email I send to her. I have a history of blistering emails that he does not always fully support (did I mention he's the nice one?).

She finally calls back
Her: I assume you're calling about the lunch time incident
Me: Actually I'm calling for a variety of reasons including that, but let's start there. What do you want me to do, cut off his fingers? He's a 9 year old boy.

The conversation with her actually went very well. She apologized all around; for him coming to the office in the first place, and most specifically for the questions about gun access.

But later when I recounted the conversation with Brad - he was not remotely amused....
Brad: YOU STARTED WITH THAT??? YOU COULDN'T EASE INTO IT? GOOD GOD WOMAN!

We told Jackson when he got home, that it was the stupidest thing in the world and that he did nothing wrong and he was not remotely in trouble, but that he should probably try to avoid aiming his fingers at school anymore as they seem to freak out about it. He readily agreed.

Camela

Saturday

7:15am - Brad and Ted leave to get to the baseball field in time to warm up before Ted's 8am baseball game. Ted pitches 2 no hit innings, has a few good defensive plays, is walked and ends up stealing 2nd, 3rd, and home. He's wildly excited by how well his sports day is going.

8:45am - Brad and Ted leave baseball do a quick change in the car and head over to the soccer fields for his 9am soccer game. Luckily the soccer fields aren't too far from the baseball fields in our county.

8:50am - Jackson and I head to the soccer fields as well.

9:00am - Soccer starts and Ted has a pretty good game, though it took him some time to get into "soccer mode". I'm thinking he was so pumped about his baseball performance it took a while to get his head onto the soccer field, but it eventually got there and they ended up in a 2-2 tie with one of the best teams in his league.

9:15am - Brad and Jackson head out to Jack's 10am swimming lesson in the next town over.

10:00am - Ted's game ends and he and I make our way home.

11:00am - Jack's lesson ends and he and Brad make their way home.

11:30am - Jack and Brad wolf down some food and do a quick change and head off to his 12N flag football practice.

12:45pm - I head to the football field for the game

1:00pm - Jack's game starts. He has a great game as well - he has a long run for a touch down in the first half, then also ran in the 2 point conversion. And in the 2nd half he caught a interception for a TD.

2:00pm - Brad, Jackson, and I head home in two cars and I promptly fell asleep.

I know, I know - half of you out there had worse schedules this weekend, but I think 4 sports in 4 hours is just too damn much - but the boys had fun and that's all that really matters... right?

Camela

Concert clothes

Teddy has a band adjudication tomorrow... Great. Should I go, should I skip it? Where's Brad? Well of course he managed to fly out of town so he gets to unfortunately he has to miss it. They leave the school at 3:45pm and need to be picked up at a local high school at 8:30. And he's playing when you ask. Uh... yeah, no idea. So I could sit there with Jack all evening as he'd probably like me to or I could take Jack home and get his homework done and give him some down time and then go pick Ted up. Which do you think I'll pick?

But as I've mentioned elsewhere - first things first. I must find the concert clothes. I've known about this thing for a while - but did it ever once occur to me that he needed his concert clothes? Nope. Did the fact that the band director mentioned it help my poor brain click onto this bit of reality - Nope, not so much. Did it occur to my ever so organized husband? Man I hope not, cuz if it did and he didn't think it was worth mentioning before he headed off down south I might have to kill him - but I digress. If I'd thought about it before - say even yesterday of course I would have Teddy find his own clothes - my God the boy is nearly 12 years old. But as Teddy is the definition of an 'absent minded, easily distracted, can't find the shoes on my own feet' kind of kid I think that with 2 hours to go before they need to be packed up for tomorrow it's significantly safer and more peaceful for all involved if I go and find them.

Of course I disguise this as him looking for them with me helping him and he immediately goes to the bottom of his closet - I hope this is a valuable clue. He paws through a variety of Legos and cars and all manner of things I'm not sure I want to know about and comes up with a single black shoe. Okay, let me look. I went and got a small chair to sit on to save my back from what I suspected would be an arduous process and got to work. I found at least an industrial sized load and a half worth of clothes on the floor of his closet. There were seriously 20 pairs of underwear. Where did he even get 20 pairs of underwear. I do recall buying him some new underwear not that long ago after he complained of no longer having any that fit him.... Oh you gullible woman!

But once all the clothes were thrown into the middle of his room creating a 12 foot tall pile I found the second shoe as well as 2 white dress shirts and a pair of black dress pants. We were so in business!!! Of course the pants were size 10 slim. Teddy is a slim kid. But he'll be 12 in less than 4 months - I was doubtful. He did manage to get them on, but let me tell you this was not a good look - and I can't imagine breathing was much fun for him. He found some Navy pants - he told me he was sure the band director would be fine with it, after all as a percussionist he's in the back and who would notice. I told him not to point it out to anyone and if anyone noticed to tell them - "man, my mom was supposed to send the black pants, she must have gotten confused" he seemed okay with that while I totally sweated whether or not that was an okay thing to say to the kid. (of course he is a kid who has no idea of what tact is or when not to throw the truth into someone's face so maybe a bit of sanctioned plausible deniability isn't such a bad thing for him - if this had been Jack, the best liar in all the land, - I never in a million years would have gone there).

But alas - the blue pants were also a size 10 slim - he could barely get them over his feet - both pairs - where in God's name did we get 2 pairs of navy (go Navy beat Army) pants? but that's beside the point at the moment - Okay back to square one. (no not square one I must remind myself - I have the shoes and the socks and the shirt). I will buy you a pair of pants and bring them to school tomorrow before the bus leaves. (will I manage to work a full day sometime this month I wonder?).. Oh Brad - how do you always manage to miss all this fun?... As a last ditch effort I go through each item of clothing in all the drawers in his dresser, confident I won't find any black pants there and low and behold I find a pair of size 10 (not slim) black pants still with the tags on - we are such efficient people (not). They sort of almost fit him. Too short - but he's a budding geek and likes his pants too short and too tight - but don't in any way hamper breathing and they look almost normal. - We are back to "good to go!" woo hoo.

Now we've had to have a 3 hour long conversation (slight exaggeration) about whether or not it's okay to wear a clearly visible green Philadelphia Eagles shirt on under his white shirt.
Me: Why? I stupidly ask.
Ted: Because when the concert's over I can take off the white shirt and it will feel SO much better.
Me: What if you just go to the bathroom and change your shirt - perhaps you'll actually need to use the rest room at some point and you can take advantage of already being there.
Ted: (indignantly) I won't have to use the rest room
Me: why is that dear - do you have super human powers and don't use the facilities like the rest of us?
Ted: (as if I'm the stupidest person alive for not knowing this) I have never once ever had to go to the bathroom after a concert. (insert eye roll)
Me: okay dear, we're done talking about this - get in bed.

Camela