America's worst finder

The shoes
Me: Teddy, come on buddy, we've got to go.

Ted: Okay, I've just got to get my shoes, they're up in my room. (He runs up to get them. He runs back down. Looks in the family room. Goes back upstairs. Comes back down and tries the dining room.)

M: Ted! Come on, we're going!

T: (completely annoyed and put upon) I can't find my shoes. (He's pulling pillows off the couch)

Brad (who just now clued into what's going on): I think I put them on the stairs. (Right on the bottom where Ted had just passed four separate times)

Ted walks over to the stairs and then looks up at me sheepishly: I guess this is just another example of being the world's worst finder.


The socks
We're going roller skating for Teddy's birthday and we need to bring longer socks. Jack doesn't own a single pair and the only ones Ted has are his black socks worn when performing in school concerts. But there are plenty of those so we'll be fine.

Me: Ted will you grab a second pair of black socks for Jackson?

Ted: sure

Several minutes and some banging - mo-om I can only find one pair of black socks. we never use them, they should be sitting in his sock drawer, this should be an easy one. Look again! There aren't any. I come upstairs and there are 5 pairs in the top nearly empty drawer.

T: Oh, hmmm, I found this pair on the floor, I didn't think to look in a drawer.

M: uh huh....


The swords
Ted: Mo-om Jack won't tell me where my swords are.

Jack: I just told you they're in my cubby.

Ted: NO THEY'RE NOT (12 is a delightful age for a boy)

Jack: Geesh! I'll show you. (walking towards the mudroom cubbies with arms raised and hands waving spookily) "Look, I'm about to magically teleport them 'oogakajukababa'.

The cubbies are roughly a foot wide and a foot deep and maybe 4 feet tall and Teddy (aka "America's worst finder") couldn't find two 3 foot Nerf swords in one of them.

We're very proud.

65 Questions

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...you know the rules. Tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you!) to learn more about people. Also, try to tag people who you've tagged in other notes, sometimes you learn things in new notes that you didn't know before about them...

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

My hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

heather gray

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes

4. Do you plan outfits?

um... not so much

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

Tired and annoyed

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?

My hair, though my kids would say it's orange. My sheets though I suppose burgundy is the real color. A mini sewing kit that is true red is on my dresser.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

Man I don't remember the specifics, but I remember after about 10 minutes of being up and about it dawned on me it was just a dream and I was seriously relieved I didn't have to deal with whatever it had been about.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

No, but I met a nice man at Jackson's football practice yesterday.

9. What are you craving right now?

sleep

10. Do you floss?

rarely

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

icky bad smell

12. Are you emotional?

publicly - nope privately - yup

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

Knowing me, probably. But I don't remember doing it.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

definitely both.

15. Do you like your hair?

very much so

16. Do you like yourself?

most of the time.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

hmmm, I suppose so, but I can't imagine what we'd have in common.

18. What are you listening to right now?

The muted sounds of the TV from downstairs

19. Are your parents strict?

Not even a little bit.

20. Would you go sky diving?

I don't think so

21. Do you like cottage cheese?

Yes

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Yes

23. Do you rent movies often?

Nope

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

does my personality count - LOLOL

25. How many countries have you visited?

2

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

Yes, but not for many, many years

27. Ever been on a train?

Yes

28. Brown or white eggs?

Either but usually white.

29.Do you have a cell phone?

Yes

30. Do you use chapstick?

if forced to, I greatly prefer Blistex or Carmex.

31. Do you own a gun?

No

32. Can you use chop sticks?

Yes

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Man, I hope no one. :)

34. Are you too forgiving?

I don't think anyone has ever accused me of this.

35. Ever been in love?

Yes

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?

No idea, hanging out with her kids I'd guess.

37. Ever have cream puffs?

Yes

38. Last time you cried?

A few weeks

39. What was the last question you asked?

Why are you acting this way?

40. Favorite time of the year?

It would be fall, but that brings winter and that's just no good. So I have to say spring.

41. Do you have any tattoos?

Yes and I still love it today as much as I did the day I got it.

42. Are you sarcastic?

Oh yes.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?

Nope

44. Ever walked into a wall?

No doubt

45. Favorite color?

Red or orange

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

I'm sure I have

47. Is your hair curly?

very

48. What was the last CD you bought?

Some old Bruce Springsteen

49. Do looks matter?

sure they do

50. Last text you received?

Cool. Is that a first for him?

51. Is your phone bill sky high?

I don't think so

52. Do you like your life right now?

Parts of it.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

No.

54. Can you handle the truth?

Yes.

55. Do you have good vision?

I used to, I'm not sure I can say that so definitively right now

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

hmmmm. I'm not sure I hate anyone and as I dislike stupid people intensely I'd say that's way, way more than three.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?

Not too often.

58. The last person you held hands with?

hmmm, probably Jackson. Ted and I walked for quite a ways today with our arms around each other's waist and shoulder - does that count? (and while we were walking that way, I was thinking how lucky am I that my 12 year old son will walk with his arm around my waist)

59. What are you wearing?

tan jeans, a green top, and a pink fleece

60.What is your favorite animal?

Not Bandit....

61. Where was your default picture taken?

On the South River

62. Can you hula hoop?

I doubt it. I'm not too bad on Wii.

63. Do you have a job?

Yup

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?

McDonalds

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes.

consider yourself tagged. :)

I am not a techno-idiot. I swear, I'm not.

I am not a techno-idiot. I am also not an IT wiz, but I usually do okay. Maybe something new will take me a couple of tries, but I'll get it - the way I use computers is just not rocket science.

But then Jackson had to finish his "Me Poster". I need to print out some things previously typed in Word and then print out some pictures and we'll do a little pasting and viola we're done. No big deal. I print the Word stuff no problem. Now it's time to print some pictures. I have a Mac - this kind of thing is super easy. I've done it countless times. I grab my cute little HP photo printer and photo paper and hook it up to my laptop in the kitchen.

Hmmm, the printer isn't getting power. It must be that I'm using an extension cord, it must not be getting enough juice or the connection isn't quite right. Okay, no biggie, I'll just move the laptop and the printer to the island so it's all next to each other and next to an outlet. Done.... Wait.. still no power. I fool around with the end that's in the outlet and if I unplug it and plug it back in it gets power for approximately two seconds and then it goes blank. I am fully prepared to hold the plug in a specific place for the length of a couple of pictures, but no matter what I do with the power cord at either end - I can only get the printer to power up for about 2 seconds before it dies. It doesn't seem to have the slightest thing to do with how far in or out any of the connections are, or any other logical kind of thing. 2 seconds and then it's dead. Okay scratch that. I may have let out a few primal screams by this point. Maybe considered throwing the cute little printer across the room. Maybe the kids were mildly afraid of their mom.

I didn't mention that we did the rest of the work yesterday and left the layout for tonight. It was just some quick printing and some gluing. Jackson had flag football practice from 6 to 7, then I stopped and picked up some fast food for him so we'd have enough time to finish the poster and now after the demise of the cute little HP it's close to 8:30 - which is Jackson's bedtime.

But okay, plan B. We'll just print the pictures on regular paper on the main printer (the one I had just used to print the Word document). I've done that lots of times too. I pull up iphoto, highlight the picture I want. Size it as desired. Choose File then Print. I change the printer to the correct one (which took me a minute to figure out, I'll admit) and clicked okay. I got an error message - printer offline. What? You just printed. I went and added more paper - I added paper to a different tray too that I thought the printer might like, and tried again. I then had trouble remembering how to delete a print job from my Mac - as I was thinking if I deleted the job I could start again and narrow the parameters further. A few more screams later. Maybe a bit more fear. eh. Okay, job deleted (it's super easy as I knew it was, but as my friend suggested, I'm just hexed tonight.

I try again. I try with printer paper. No go. With plain paper. Nope. I've examined and tried all possible parameters and in every case, it goes offline. The printer looks fine. Oh wait, it's just spitting out blank paper. I turn it on and off. I reboot my computer. I try again. Offline. Very loud scream. Ok, well I do have a third printer upstairs. I think it came free with a computer at some point. I go get it, hook it up to the laptop. I set about doing teh same thing, only I choose the new (third) printer and the printer starts making printing noises. Woo Hoo! Maybe we'll get somewhere. Jackson and I are staring at it with baited breath, hoping against hope that it will print the 3 pictures we've chosen. According to what we're seeing on the screen, they should all print nicely 3x5" on one piece of paper. Easy peasy. But instead what comes out is basically a screen print of the folder within iphoto that I was choosing the pictures from, including pictures of the edit buttons along the bottom of the program. I get one picture I wanted but the others are cut off.

A picture of the "screen print" that I got to print.

I scream a bit more. It's now 9pm and Jack is very tired. I desperately want to throw some hardware across the room, or maybe off the back deck. Jack's been diligently cutting out all the things he needed to cut out. I keep at it. It's just not working. I'm diligently banging my head against the nearest flat surface. Finally I go back to trying just one picture. If I can just get this one picture we'll be golden. Several more attempts and I'm finally able to get our first choice picture to print. The fact that it took up every bit of an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper is just a bonus - not a problem... right? I tell Jackson I've got some good news and some bad news. I got the picture to print, but it's an entire sheet of paper. My delightful child says.. "We can make that work!" I just need to re-print the Word document because Jack accidentally severed one of the things and then we're done. I go ahead and send it to the main printer as it's already worked for that tonight. It's not a picture. Just words. Nope, the printer is offline and there's no way I can fix that.

I get it to print on printer number 3 and we call it a day. Oh thank to all that's holy! Brad will be home tomorrow and he'll say something totally annoying to me like - Cam if you just turned the paper upside down it would have worked. I swear to God, I'm not an idiot about these things. It's not my strongest suit, but printing pictures is child's play. I've done it dozens and dozens of times on at least two of the printers (the one that actually sort of worked, it may have been the first time for that one). But I swear, Brad's going to come home and say.. you just had to have turned it on, or something equally as obvious. And that's when the printers which are currently littering the kitchen will begin to fly.

So Jack was delightful in his reaction to the HUGE picture of himself that was about to become the center piece of a school project and then at bedtime (which we were now well past) Teddy was delightful as well. "Mom, I'm really sorry the printers were giving you such a hard time tonight." It's nice to be reminded from time to time that they are, in fact, really good people. And despite my behavior and absolute frustration tonight (or maybe because of it) they reminded me they were.

The finished project (HUGE picture and all)

Another typical evening...

It was a lovely evening. I got home at about a quarter to six where Brad and I were set to do the "tag, you're it" thing as he was heading down to Washington for a two day conference. The evil wonder dog who just hates it when someone (anyone) leaves the house is barking up a storm to show his extreme displeasure. Brad and I have to execute a last minute fantasy football trade so I actually have a QB that's starting this week. The idiot dog keeps barking. The pasta Brad started has to be finished. The dog is stepping up his efforts. The kitchen table that somehow got piled with all manner of non dinner-like things gets cleared. The dog keeps barking. Fights are broken up (that's a bit strong). The dog keeps barking. The dinner is finished and set out. The dog keeps barking. Brad's finally ready to get the Hell out of dodge in the barest of moments before I commit canine-acide. Finally with Brad actually gone and no longer leaving the stupid dog finally shuts the *&%% up.

The boys have been in a mood all evening long. I haven't yet had a chance to change out of my work clothes. They are alternating between playing very loud gags on each other and screaming "MOM, MAKE HIM LEAVE ME ALONE" They are alternating who yells this. It's very fun. I sit down and work with Jackson on his project due Friday, get the kids dessert and the kitchen back in some semblance of order (not clean mind you, that would be far, far too much to ask for tonight). They want me to move my car so they can play basketball and I think hallelujah a minute of peace. I move the car they go outside. They come back within 3 minutes - 'Hey mom, there's a guy outside who wants to talk to you.' Oh, did I mention the dog is barking again - there are humans outside. Maybe they're leaving. It's his civic duty to bark constantly just in case he can convince someone not to leave.

I go outside, I still haven't changed my clothes. Some high school kid wants to sell me something - some version of a coupon book I think, but man he gives me the worst - and I do mean the worst pitch ever. I cut him off and tell him I'm not interested. "Dude, you can't be serious!" "I am, and now it's dark. Boys, it's time to come inside." I think he might have continued to blather on about something, but I was already heading inside. (Parents, teach your kids how to pitch the stupid things they have to sell. Start with an introduction. Something that sounds remotely polite - geesh) Anyway... The boys beg to finish the game they're playing, I give them three more minutes (really more for me than for them).

And then the crying started. In comes Teddy with his hands over his mouth crying hard. I open my arms to take him in, he shifts his hands and there's blood everywhere. I quickly change tactics because there's really no reason to get blood all over my favorite white shirt that I still haven't taken off yet. But alas, as I lead him to the sink to see what we're dealing with I see I wasn't fast enough and my right shoulder is miraculously covered in blood - woo hoo. It's just a small cut from his tooth on his bottom lip. Jackson who ran in right behind him is upset that he hurt his brother. "I'm so so so sorry, I didn't mean to hit him in the face, I was just throwing it back to him." Jack can't stand still. Nor can he shut up. Oh wait - guess what, the dog is barking. There's a lot of commotion going on in the kitchen; Ted crying, Jack apologizing, Mom calming... There's much to bark about.

I got a dish towel on his mouth while I went to get ice. I begged the dog to shut the $@T% up. I tried to calm Jackson and get him to stop talking. But then Ted decides threatening his brother is the best course of action. So every time I turn my back to get ice or kick I mean pet the dog, Ted does something like shake his fist at Jack, or lunge towards him. Jack is near tears, periodically crying out in terror. He already feels guilty and now he's scared too. OKAY - EVERYONE SHUT THE &*&% UP! Okay I didn't really yell that, but I wanted to; really, really wanted to. "Jackson, I know you didn't mean to make him bleed, but go upstairs and read." One down. Kill the dog (why can't I do that? - that would have been two down). Get ice on Teddy's lip and get him cleaned up. Okay Ted, let's go upstairs and get ready for bed. He goes up before me while I close the garage door and close down the first floor.

By the time I get upstairs Jackson is crying and holding a ripped book. "Ted ripped my book on purpose" Well this does go with the threatening behavior downstairs, he doesn't usually go towards book ripping, but he's certainly been known to wreck Jack's Lego projects in the past. "Teddy that wasn't necessary, you know better than that." This is my calm and reasonable facade, the one that hides the raging homicidal lunatic that is begging and pleading to come out. "But it was an accident Mom, I promise." It sounds like he's telling the truth, but of course so does the crying Jackson in the other corner.

Mom: You know what Ted, this is something you'd do. I don't know if you did it this time, but it's the kind of rude and obnoxious behavior that have been your hallmark for the past few months, so it's really hard for me to believe you that this one time you happened to not mess up something of Jackson's, especially after the way you were threatening him downstairs.

Ted: He bloodied my lip.

M: You know perfectly well he would never intend to hurt you like that.
He gives me the look that says "mom, you have got to be kidding".

M: No more than you would try to hurt him that way, would you ever intentionally try to make him bleed.

I was really hoping he'd think about it before he answered vs. just letting his pride answer. He did, phew.

T: ok, no I wouldn't.

M: and neither did he.

He reluctantly agreed with me but is now totally pissed at me because I just won't outright believe ripping the book was an accident. He keeps looking at me with the "my mom is calling me a liar to my face" puppy dog eyes.

Oh well...

Some pictures of Jackson

I don't think I've done a good enough job of posting pictures of the boys so I'm going to try to rectify that..

Hanging out with his hamsters in the tub.

Jack LOVES him some watermelon. He was hungry and there was half a watermelon... so.. 1+1=2

There's no rule that says you can't just plunk down with a spoon and have at the melon, is there?

It's very serious business

Unless it's not

Concentration is the key to digging out the perfect piece
(look at those lashes, I'm jealous)

Sometimes it takes longer than others

Aaaaahhh! There it is!

Taking back the house and maybe our lives too?

First of all I was sick and useless for a bit and then immediately on the heels of that (well really right in the middle of that) Brad decided to forget his past neck surgery and all his common sense and try to lift half a HUGE oak dresser and take it from our garage to upstairs. He did this despite the fact that we'd discussed he needed more than two people to lift that thing and despite the fact that it would end up just sitting in the upstairs hallway since we weren't ready for it yet. Anyway he got the dresser upstairs and of course hurt himself in the process. So while I was still barely on the mend I was driving him to the ER... this is so not where I was going with this. (can you tell I'm not over this yet?) The point is - we were both sick (two months later he's still battling the effects and the dresser is still in the hallway leaning up against the railing - it's a good look.) and that was really the start of the downward slide our poor house has taken.

In the two months since then we went on vacation, finished up camp, Brad traveled and his arm continued to heal, hosted a baby shower, school supply shopping, kept up Jackson's counseling appointments (major separation and other anxiety issues), and the general stuff that fills life - but the real time sucker was the Comic-con. As usual Brad helps coordinate the annual convention and I help. For Brad this is like having two full time jobs for the two months prior to the show. And then finally the show happens and we both stay downtown for the duration and my mom brings the kids in for a few hours each day (it's so phenomenal to have such a wonderful mom so close by).

It feels like we've barely managed to keep the kids fed and the laundry clean (certainly not folded or put away). So Comic-con was last weekend. Brad and I got home about about 12:30am on Monday morning and managed to get the kids up and ready for their first day of school and survive the work week and now.... breathe. But.. the house. Oh. My. God. The house. There's stuff everywhere. Piles. In drawers. On tables. On counters. On beds. It seems impossible.

So now - I'm feeling totally overwhelmed. I just can't live like this. So on the one hand I do truly feel like I can breathe for the first time in too long but on the other - whew it's a lot of work. I need to recreate the peaceful home I live in or I may just implode. Okay so.. I've written a list. I need the list or it will be far too overwhelming. As we cross stuff off, I'm feeling a little better and more confident we can, in fact, take our house back. And maybe our lives too. I doubt there have been 10 weekdays in the last few months that Brad and I have both been home at night.

Wish us luck.