And finally she posts again...

So I was thinking I wanted to do a blog post, but I couldn't think of a thing to write and then... I put the boys to bed and they were more than happy to entertain me...

She got up and just walked away
I'm reading one of the Wimpy Kid books to Jackson. He's recently taken to wanting us to read to him again which is cute - and hopefully short lived (I much prefer him reading to me) - but I'm finishing up my last "day" in the book and then he needs to show me how his dolphin silly band can be a dolphin, a fish, and a pig, just by moving it around a bit. Okay, go for it kid.

Jack: Here's the dolphin (fart) oops, excuse me
I just raised my eyebrows at him in question and he shrugged
Jack: and here's (fart) the (fart) fish (fart, fart, fart). Oh man, I'm sorry.
I quietly got up and left the room.
And Jackson totally dissolved into a major fit of laughter. He was howling and kept muttering 'she got up and just walked away' before cackling again. He laughed until he was wiping the tears away.

I finally peaked my head around the corner and asked if it was safe to come back in and he fell over again in another laughing fit. "I can't believe you just stood up, turned around and left" as he lost it again. Why this struck him as so funny, I have no idea, but it certainly brightened my evening.

Sometimes I really worry about you
So I moved on to Teddy. After I pry my iphone and the game of stick golf he's playing away from him he's lying sideways on his bed with his feet up on the wall. He starts to takes one shoe off and pushes his leg away from the wall, past his head so he can kick it directly onto the floor over his head and... you guessed it, it bounced off his forehead and both he and I burst out laughing. Which of course brought Jack in from the other room to see what was going on. I tell Jack what Ted did as I know Jack will get a big kick out of it too and probably give me one of his faces that says "man there's a problem with that kid, but (shrug) what are you gonna do" Jack can say so much in a quick look it's completely entertaining and always spot on point.

Anyway, the brain trust that is Teddy decides he's going to show Jackson what he did only this time instead of the shoe just slightly grazing his head on it's way to the floor, it landed smack dab in the middle of his face and I almost fell off the bed laughing. Of course Ted tried to be mad at me because "That really hurt Mom!" I can't say that stemmed my or Jackson's laughter one bit. "Sometimes I really worry about you kid." And Jackson shrugged and silently said "that one is a piece of work."

Bandit
is insane. Seriously insane. He's always been insane and certainly that's part of why I don't like him, but recently he reached a new level of insanity! It started the night before the earthquake. He wouldn't leave my side and was shaking all over; totally freaking out. I have no idea what the issue was unless it was one of those weird animal things where he knew something was going to happen but the earthquake was still 8 hours away so I can't imagine that was it. Not to mention his behavior hasn't really let up much.

He's mostly hiding under my bed. But if he is out he's walking around the house with his ears back or lying at my or Brad's feet shaking. I feel sorry for him, but there's no reason for this sudden shift in behavior. It's like he was suddenly an abused child and is afraid of the world, but nothing new is going on in his life, so I'm not getting it. Lest you all get worried about him (though if it will get someone to come and take him away I'd be okay with that), he's acting exactly how he acts during a thunderstorm only without the storm. Whenever thunder starts, he starts shaking and wants to hide either in my lap (which is not my favorite) or under my bed. And he's been all but living under my bed for more than a week now. Perhaps the end of the world is near and we just don't know it yet.

Camela

Where the wild things are...

Camp is back.... and so is the drama
As I'm sure I've mentioned we've totally screwed up our son. Well we certainly knew it was going to happen. We had to come to grips with the fact that any children of ours would certainly need therapy at some point in their lives. Once we fully came to terms with that we decided it was time to have kids.... but I digress.

Against my better judgment I let Jack go to sleep away camp last year. It was Ted's 2nd year and he loves it and Jack was very excited about going, but I knew in my heart of hearts he was too young and too attached to his parents to be okay with it and sure enough he was. He had a great time while he was there, but came home suffering from a profound case of separation anxiety whenever ANY kind of separation is going to happen. He got back from sleep away camp and started back up at his regular day camp which he'd been going to and LOVING for years and worked himself into a frenzy over the idea that we were going to leave him there (he'd been there 8 days earlier) that he threw up on the way there. And on just about every morning after that until finally a monetary bribe worked (but that took a few weeks before he could work himself up to it). Then when school started - he was in the third grade and going to the same school as always, he climbed SOBBING onto the school bus and held his hands out the window to us while he continued SOBBING. There wasn't a dry eye in the neighborhood watching that scene. This continued for the entire first week, though he was finally able to get it together and had a mostly fine year as far as that was concerned.

Now to this summer. His stated reasons for hating the summer camp he previously loved were numerous and inventive; it was rusty, it's hot outside, they don't play football right... things like that and Brad was prepared to send him somewhere else, but believing any place would be tough for him I pushed to keep him there because it's a known entity for him and the staff know and love him and are ready, willing, and able to deal with the fact that he may literally vomit every morning in their bathroom. Today was the first day I got to take him to camp (Brad's in NC) and yes, he managed to vomit in the car on the ride over and was then totally surprised that I was still leaving him there. "but wait, I threw up, now I don't have to go." "uh, honey, you threw up because of your nerves and they know that, you're not sick, you're still going."

Let me stop and say he has a fabulous time while he's there. We get regular updates from his counselors and the camp director and they consistently report that he is having a ball. And if he's talking about camp and not realizing the implications of us knowing how much fun he is having he tells hilarious stories of the wonderful and crazy things they get to do there. But of course being Mr. Manipulative he is very careful not to let his guard down too often as he'd much rather tell us the place is rusty so he shouldn't have to go (read: I don't want you to ever leave my side for any reason whatsoever!)

Anyway - I hadn't intended to really get into all that, but there it is. Camp is back and so is the vomiting drama. We're working on coping mechanisms and I think maybe it's getting a little better. I'm hoping before he goes to high school he'll be able to leave our side more easily.


Teddy and girls
is a fun and painful thing to watch. Recently Teddy was at an end of school beach blast party and there he lost a tooth (the boy has lost 3-4 teeth in the past month). Apparently once the bloody molar was in a baggy he ran around the blacktop shoving it into as many girls' faces as he could. Brad was horrified by this behavior, I've got to say, it just made me laugh.

Then we were at the pool the other day and he kept going up to a group of girls who were minding their own business and splashing them. Brad was completely agitated by this. "We have to make him stop that, I don't think the girls like it." I got him to sit back down. If the girls don't like it, they'll have to figure out how to get him to stop it. I'm confident they can put him in his place if they want to and equally confident Ted will continue to annoy them until they do just that. This is just all part of the ritual - both sides need to learn how to deal with each other. We watched while Brad gripped the sides of his chair hard enough that his knuckles had lost all color, but eventually Ted managed to insinuate himself into a rousing game of keep away with the girls and their fathers.. no harm, no foul. And eventually the feeling came back into Brad's fingers.

Camela

The cause of the big bump on my forehead.....

At the elementary school where Jackson goes they have a lovely tradition where on the last day of school all the teachers and staff form two lines just outside the exit doors and clap and cheer for all the students as they have officially finished the year and (hopefully) been promoted to the next grade. Every year the sentiment brings tears to my eyes and if I actually get to watch it, I'm toast. (and though I won't admit it officially it's possible there are a few tears in my eyes right now as I think about it).

Anyway, because he goes to aftercare right after school I wasn't 100% sure exactly when school lets out and so I wasn't sure when his half day ended on the last day of school and this year Brad is out of town so I'm going to be there when Jack gets out. So what does a smart and organized mom do when she doesn't know the answer to something (and her husband is not available to give her the answer)??? She calls the school with a quick and easy question.

Me: What time does school let out?

dumbgirlwhoansweredthephone: Three hours earlier.

M: Yes, okay, thanks. What time does school let out?

D: What time does he get home?

M: When I pick him up. He’s in aftercare and I’m going to pick him up from school on Wednesday when it let’s out, but I don’t know when that is. Can you tell me when school let’s out this week?

D: Oh he’s in aftercare?

M: Yes

D: And you’re going to pick him up on Wednesday?

M: Yes

D: So he’ll be a car rider. Because I was going to calculate three hours earlier than when the bus normally drops him off if he was a bus rider.

M: Okay. When does school let out?

D: Well we’ll be all done by 12:15 or so. And the car loop gets pretty full so you might want to be in the loop by about noon or so.

M: I’m planning to park the car and get out; can you please tell me when school let’s out?

D: You’re going to park?

M: Yes.

D: As I said we’ll be all done by 12:15 or so, so you definitely want to be here before then.

(maybe a new question will help get me an answer)

M: When does the bell ring?

D: For car riders, we’ll probably let them out at 12:07 or 12:09.

M: Great, thank you.

(After hanging up, I beat the phone against my head for approximately 15 minutes.)

Camela

More potent quotables

"What ever happened to Sean Connery, I liked Sean Connery, well I mean that guy who used to play him."

******

(asked to Teddy) "Do you know what the capital of Albany is?" blank stare. "Albany, do you know what the capital of Albany is?"

Me: I think you mean New York, What's the capital of New York.

"Oh that's right" back to Teddy "do you know what's the capital of New York?"

Ted: New York City?

"No, Albany" Then to me "Camla, What is the capital of New York City?"

******

Jackson is doing a project about the founder of Honda and he was writing out the day he was born and the the day he died. "How old was he when he was born?" (blank stare) "Jackson, how old was Honda when he was born? What was that, in 1906? How old was he then? When he was born?" (more blank stares) To me "Does he know how hold he was when he was born?"

Me: When he was born he was zero and a minute later he was a minute old.

"Oh that's right."

The Race

Teddy and Jackson have been trash-talking with each other about who would win in a footrace. Both boys are fairly athletic, Teddy has 2 years and 4 months on Jack and is bigger and stronger... but Jackson is fast. They haven't raced in a couple of years and Teddy has always won before but between you and me the smart money is on Jackson winning now (and Jack knows it and Teddy suspects it).

Jack finally got Ted to agree to the race and it was scheduled for after dinner tonight. I suspect that if Jack is winning Teddy will quit racing and if Ted is winning Jack will quit racing so they can say the other didn't beat them. So we have a big dinner conversation about that particular topic and both boys agree (Teddy somewhat sheepishly) that they will in fact make it a fair race and give it all they've got until the end. I got Teddy alone and talked again about the very real possiblilty that his younger brother might beat him and made sure he was prepared for that - he said he was and that in fact he thought Jack was going to win, but he'd give it his best shot.

Finally it's time. They decide to race on the wet grass from the sidewalk, around a tree, down the hill, around the swing set, back up the hill, back around the tree and the first person to touch Mommy wins. It's a fair start and Jack has Ted by 3 steps at the tree and is pulling away down the hill until he slips and totally wipes out around the swing set. Teddy passes him but Jack pops back up and digs in to catch up. Jackson made a valiant effort and closed the gap to maybe 10 feet as they rounded the tree and headed towards me.

As soon as Jackson fell, I planned on a rematch (unless Jackson somehow managed to catch back up) because I think it'll be good for Teddy to be beaten by his brother. But what does Jackson do when he decides he's not going to make up the difference. He was only a couple of feet behind Ted with maybe 15 feet to go and he ... guess... this is Jackson I'm talking about... yes you guessed it... he clutched his stomach and started to cry. "IT'S NOT FAIR" he wailed. What's not fair you wonder? Is it that Teddy won when he had so thoroughly wiped out? That's what I expected him to say. Even I was fooled. I thought he'd at least be sane. Nope. "IT'S NOT FAIR, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO THROW UP."

Me: OH MY GOD!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

He's crying his eyes out and the horror that is his life and he runs inside to the bathroom. Brad and Ted calmly discuss a redo because they want a fair race; start to finish where the running determines the winner and not the wet grass.

Me: NO WAY IN HELL!!! I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT WHINY LITTLE BOY TO GET A REDO TODAY IF THAT'S HIS REACTION. (yet another great mom moment)

Eventually Jack came out and I told him to go and bring his bike inside.... but did he come right back inside... uh, nope. He did not.

I went out to get him and I explained to him out unacceptable and unsportsmanlike his end of race actions were. I told him how we would have of course re-run the race for the reasons mentioned above but he had to make up that his stomach hurt. Man was he pissed off at me. He stormed into the garage and threw his bike into the corner and prepared to storm out again.

Jack: I'M GOING TO JAKE'S (it was about 8pm on a school night - uh.. not so much)

Me: Get your little butt inside. (He slams the bike again) And up to your room.

He storms in, throws his shoes across the room and storms up the stairs stomping the whole way until he gets to his door which he soundly slams.

Aaaaaah, but now it's blessedly quiet.

There's still no official winner, but it's calm once again our home.

Camela

Flag Football

Jackson plays flag football. This is his third season and he's loved it since the very first time he played. This is definitely his sport. He throws well, he catches well, but more than anything he's fast as all get out. It's rare to play a team that has a kid faster than Jackson which means if he can get past the defense, he's gone. It also means if the other team thinks they're gone, they should put their head down and run faster because Jackson is hot on their heels.

This year he has a fantastic head coach who is a former football player; I think he even had a season in the pros and he is so great at making sure all the players; no matter their level get turns to play all the positions and everyone is having a great time. The team's record, however isn't fantastic. They've won one or two games and lost several very close games and the losses are killing this lovely, yet obviously very competitive coach. So today after they couldn't score in the first half and had let the other team score twice.... the coach snapped. He couldn't handle losing anymore, I think. Brad, who is also a coach, said you could see the change in his eyes as they came off the field at half time.

So at half time this lovely coach said to the group of 7 - 9 year olds. "Who has seen the movie 300?" (which Brad tells me is an R rated movie about 300 guys who took on a whole army - they somehow formed some sort of shield and held the army at bay for quite a while - they might all have died at the end, but... eh that was not his point) "We are going to be those 300 guys! We are going to form a shield!!!" I'm sure he was more eloquent and went into more of an explanation, but that's the gist of it.

They play 5 against 5 at this age and for every single offensive play of the second half they had Jackson lined up behind the QB who was behind the center and once the ball was snapped the 4 guys fanned out and became the shield with their sole intent to keep the defense away from Jackson who was to read the defense and decide whether he wanted to run right or left.

He scored 3 touchdowns and 3 2 point conversions; scoring all 24 of their points and our team won 24-22. It felt a little awkward by the end - I was sort of hoping someone else would get the ball - I'd hate for any of the other kids or parents to be upset by the how the second half went. Hopefully it'll all be back to normal next week and everyone will just be happy we won.

Camela

Potent quotables

The following are actual quotes from conversations in my kitchen - the participant(s) shall remain nameless.

"I like that Sharon Falin, but I don't think LaBamba is really that bad"

"you know, when you're older you should eat a banana every day because of the citrus"

"I didn't know that Larry King was a S. E. X. freak, did you?" (sex was spelled out so the kids; ages 11 and 9, wouldn't understand - I got the single raised eyebrow from Jackson for that one)

"I don't listen to Westrick much anymore, but have you heard of Brooks and Dunn? They're breaking up."

Was he conscious? "No, he was awake and talking."

And from Teddy:

Ted: You know what would be great?

Me: No, what?

Ted: If I was on a cruise ship along with the swedish bikini team and the lotion boy got sick and I looked just like him. (looking wistfully skyward) Yeah, that would be really great.

Me: Go to bed

Camela