Only when Brad's away....

All the crazy, annoying, time consuming things that are going to happen at the most inopportune moment happen when Brad is out of town. Some past examples inlcude;

-the fire alarms that go off at 4am because someone, ehem, forgot to change the batteries

-the bird that the boys and I found sitting on a curtain rod in the sun room one day after work - the boys tried to sell tickets to see our new 'pet' and the dogs were intent on trying a new and tasty snack. Meanwhile I was trying to get the boys to keep the other kids out of the house and corral the dogs to the basement (no easy task given our guest). I then spent at least half an hour getting the bird to leave while the kids cheered wildly. I opened all the doors and many windows and tried to shoo it out with a broom. (yes this was even more ridiculous than you can imagine) I think because of our high ceilings, the bird just wasn't that impressed with my efforts and just happily flew from one curtain rod to the other until finally he grew bored with our game and flew out the front door. It's a wonder I didn't just follow the damn bird that day.

-The 6 foot snake sunning himself on our 2nd story back deck. Come on now, it's 12 feet off the ground; how the heck did he slither his way up there? Bandit was losing his mind barking so hard in circles around the thing. I guess I should be happy because it was bandit that alerted me something going on. Ultimately I was able to push it off the deck and my neighbor tried to impress me by managing to pick it up and throw it into the woods behind our houses. (how I dislike being impressed by my neighbor) And I figured the snake must have climbed out on one of the tree limbs that extend over our deck and then jumped (or was pushed) onto the deck.

-The dead turtle found upside down in the living room - no doubt a present from Bandit. "Mom, can we keep him, can we huh huh, he's so cute??"

But this time during Brad's absence we had a three-fer (is that a word?) First there is the mouse we have living in our kitchen. We often have a few mice that try to take up residence with us as the weather turns colder and this year was no exception. But we really, really thought we'd taken care of our little guests last week, but apparently a search party was sent to look for the original missing friends because... uh here we go again. And these little guests of ours this year have proven to be very clever in avoiding the surprises we have waiting for them in all the usual places and they are very, very brazen. In the middle of the afternoon twice now I have seen him scamper, no that's not right, saunter is a much better word, across the counter top in search of something to eat. I am doing my best to not freak out about this. I'm fine when he's right there, I have no problem in the moment. But later when I'm thinking about it... Okay I've got to think about something else or I'm out the front door in search of my bird friend.

Then second, on Saturday Jackson comes running into the house. Mom, we have a baby snake in the garage, it's so cute, you've got to come see it. There is much excitement and glee in his voice and I can only imagine Teddy and his friend Matthew are just as excited outside; probably torturing the poor thing. I take a few deep breaths, curse my husband for his absence and head out to take care of it. In light of our last snake visitor I was prepared for a big ol' thing and the possibility that I would need help, which I hate, but luck was on my side in this instance as it was truly a baby (I am absolutely confident he was an only child!).

This little guy was maybe a foot long and a quarter the width of a pencil, if that, and he'd managed to get himself stuck on a piece of packing tape so he wasn't going anywhere - oh joy. So after checking with the boyscout in residence, Matthew, to get his opinion on poisonousness, I explained to my 2 boys that no, we coudn't keep him as a pet no matter how cute he is and that in fact we have to help him out and put him of his misery. He was so stuck to the tape and so small that I didn't think I could get him off the tape without it being grosser than I cared to fully contemplate - that his only option at this point was to starve to death and since we all live on this planet together we shouldn't make a creature suffer uneccessarily. So I had to kill it, before I disposed of it. 'Teddy go get me a pair of scissors...' Once the deed was done, three boys went off to tell the world that they'd seen snake blood - woo hoo.

And now we get to the trifecta; Lice. You've got to be kidding me, right??? Jackson has been saying his head itched for 2 days. I've been telling him it was because he was filthy, yet still I didn't clean him (example 457 of my being a bad mother). He said, I must have lice, that's why my head itches. I'm thinking... how do you even know what that is or would feel like, you are just filthy little boy... But as I'm about to dump him in the shower this morning, I decide, the least I can do is check his head right? I'm thinking I'd see little bugs crawling around if he had it - wouldn't I? How the heck should I know. But I look and I look and... dun, dun, dun, I find a single little bug of some sort. We have 2 dogs, could it be a flea? It's about that size, maybe a bit smaller. I have no idea, but well... ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick. Being a prepared human I have a lice kit in the closet and clean his head with lice shampoo and run the tiny little comb through it and am in the process of washing and or spraying anything and everything his head might have come into contact with -- Did I say the laundry was done??? Silly woman. Oh and I'm cursing my husband's absence again.

And that boy loves to sleep in my bed and when he wasn't feeling well on Thursday night I let him fall asleep there. And of course ever since I found the little bug in question, my whole body itches, I'm sure they're crawling all over me. So I'm also cleaning everything in my room too and I'll use the same yummy shampoo on my hair just in case and the same teeny tiny little comb on my ultra long curly locks; now that should be fun. But this is just a normal day in the life without Brad.